Plot armor and Spear proficiency.
Jan. 13th, 2012 02:24 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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kippurcritiquesbadbooksChapter Three: Shadows on the Horizon.
Last chapter ended with Roran fainting. OH NOES. Eragon has to catch him.
Let us look at this. Instead of something like "Eragon dropped his sword to catch Roran, wincing at the sound it made as it hit the floor" we get to know that Eragon is more worried about his sword than his cousin. He's reluctant to drop his sword even if it means that he catches his cousin. The person who's been like a brother to him his entire life. He hesitated. You know he hesitated because he felt the reluctance. That usually indicates a pause in the behavior. So, we now know that Eragon worried more about his sword than his cousin. Once again continuing the theme of people don't mater, but objects do.
However we don't need to worry too much about Roran. He comes back to the waking world rather quickly. Eragon pats him on the cheek and we get a loving description of Roran's face. In the flat, ice-blue glare of Eragon’s spell, Roran appeared gaunt, his eyes surrounded by bruised shadows, and his lips a purplish color, as if stained with the juice from berries.
Personally I would have said ice-blue glare of Eragon's light. Other than that, it's not a bad description... though the berries bit is a little over doing it.
Anyway, Roran shows off his plot armor because the other five guys with him are dead. And Roran knows they're dead too, as he says, "“No one could have survived under there." He got lucky because he was just a bit sheltered. All he has to show for it is a broken wrist. Maybe. Basically rocks fall everyone else dies. There's no dramatic tension here because we know that Roran isn't going to get hurt and when he does, it'll get fixed right away, which it does.
Eragon makes Fuzzy Wiener fix Roran's wrist with a glare. He doesn't even ask. He just gives the elf a meaningful look. Not so much as a please or thank you. Yes. That's our hero, a real gentleman he is.
Once his wrist is healed Roran... well this really needs to be seen to be believed.
What exactly has this man done beyond defend his city against invaders?! Blood thirsty invaders too! How is he a soft-bellied old fool? Why did those words even come out of Roran's mouth? Who speaks like that? A few gentle taps with your hammer? Could this conversation be any more melodramatic!? Honestly.
So they go looking for the poor guy. Fuzzy wiener gets the short end of the stick because he has to open his mind and search for people who then may find them. At least that's what Eragon has told us. I guess it's because it's convenient or something. I dunno.
When they reach the third story they run into soldiers who have blocked the doorway with a thicket of spears. Roran charges into them using his shield for protection.
Eragon grabs a spear and no.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
See, in chapter one there was this one part where Eragon grabs a spear and tries to throw it at some guards, failing miserably.
Now in chapter three we get this:
Basically what we have here is within about twenty minutes to a half hour we get Eragon failing to use a spear and being able to use one. Admittedly the tightness of the bodies would help, but I'm fairly certain that throwing the spears would have less of an effect than just jabbing them at people. In any case he picked up the weapon proficiency pretty quickly.
And that's just a No.
I'm sorry.
That's not allowed.
You can't get that good within a half hour. Elfy stu or not. This is really new powers as the plot demands on a ridiculous level. I mean, even in D&D you're not allowed to level up until you've had an extended rest! (4th ed, I don't remember 3rd ed, but in any case the point still stands, you can't level up if you haven't had any practice ... and throwing one spear doesn't count as practice)
They get through the guards, killing the all, and find Lord Bradburn up in the highest tower. He's surrounded by retainers and guards. Eragon is relieved that he only had to kill three guards before the rest surrendered.
Oh for fuck's sake. Really. He's glad that he only had to kill three?! What about all those other guys he had to kill on the way up there? Do they not count?! Why isn't he sad that he had to kill three more? I think Paolini is trying to say that he was able to stop the bloodshed by only killing three soldiers, but considering that he never gave the others a chance to surrender nor did he seem to count them in his only needed to kill three.
It's ridiculous.
I, on the other hand, LOVE Lord Bradburn.
They order him to stand down or Else.
He replies like this: “I would not even if I could,” said Bradburn in a voice of such hate and sneering derision, Eragon almost struck him. “You’ll have no concessions from me, elf. I’ll not give up my men to filthy, unnatural creatures such as you. Death would be preferable. And do not think you can beguile me with honeyed words. I know of your alliance with the Urgals, and I would sooner trust a snake than a person who breaks bread with those monsters.”
See? I like him! He has legitimate reasons here for not wanting to stand down. Sure we're supposed to dislike him because he calls the elves "filthy" and "Unnatural" and elves are of course not at all like that. If he has an opinion different than the Hero then he's obviously wrong. Never mind the fact that up until a little while ago the Urgals were EVIL and not everyone knows that they're really just MISUNDERSTOOD. But apparently Lord Bradburn didn't get the memo. Not that it matters. He's evil and horrible because he dislikes elves.
Then something weird happens. Arya gets into Bradburn's mind to get past his wards... but wouldn't she need to get past his wards to get into his mind? Um. But once she does get past his wards to get into his mind she gets past his wards by casting a spell that gets past them and puts hi... you know what, the magic system sucks.
There.
Okay. Deep breath.
So the guards, naturally, believe that Arya has killed the lord and start getting riled up. Eragon tries to convince them that they didn't, we're not shown how however. We're not shown what he says. We're just told that he does that. But it doesn't matter, because it's forgotten when Eragon hears cheering going on outside and trumpets calling.
So they automatically abandon trying to convince the people that they hadn't killed their lord and go and look out the window without fear that they're going to get stabbed in the back. We get a narrative halting description of what's around including learning that Eragon has telescopic vision because he can see that the healer's tents a mile away are all full. What I mean by this is that instead of saying something like "The healers' tents were probably filled to capacity" he says "Healers' tents were already filled to capacity". There's no way he could know that, if he doesn't see it. Paolini is trying to be descriptive here but he's forgetting that he's looking at the world through Eragon's POV and Eragon can't see that far.
He looks to the West and South and North (through different windows) and doesn't see anything so he's told to look to the east.
Calling out he says, "Ho! What news?" and he's told that the Werecats are coming. In a scene rather reminiscent of the scene in the Lord of the Rings where we're told the eagles are coming.
And this is what Paolini has:
Now, before this chapter we've only seen two werecats. One that belonged... or hung out with the queen of the elves and the one that hung around Angela. They were generally considered myths or things that didn't exist. There is no reason to expect them to show up. The Varden has not made overtures to the werecat community - if there even was one - unless they did so in between books. However, I was under the impression that there wasn't a werecat community nor would they be interested in such a thing. They're cats. Okay, they're werecats, but still, I was under the impression that they walked alone.
So, why would they randomly be expecting the werecats? And if the werecats are several miles away how can people tell if they're werecats or not? Why is it that the common soldier dude can tell they're a werecat but the all mighty Eragon cannot? And cats are small creatures so with all the smoke and things how would they be seen in the first place?
BUT it sounds dramatic, doesn't it?
Last chapter ended with Roran fainting. OH NOES. Eragon has to catch him.
In order to catch Roran before he struck the floor, Eragon had to drop Brisingr, which he was reluctant to do. Nevertheless, he opened his hand, and the sword clattered against the stones even as Roran’s weight settled into his arms.
Let us look at this. Instead of something like "Eragon dropped his sword to catch Roran, wincing at the sound it made as it hit the floor" we get to know that Eragon is more worried about his sword than his cousin. He's reluctant to drop his sword even if it means that he catches his cousin. The person who's been like a brother to him his entire life. He hesitated. You know he hesitated because he felt the reluctance. That usually indicates a pause in the behavior. So, we now know that Eragon worried more about his sword than his cousin. Once again continuing the theme of people don't mater, but objects do.
However we don't need to worry too much about Roran. He comes back to the waking world rather quickly. Eragon pats him on the cheek and we get a loving description of Roran's face. In the flat, ice-blue glare of Eragon’s spell, Roran appeared gaunt, his eyes surrounded by bruised shadows, and his lips a purplish color, as if stained with the juice from berries.
Personally I would have said ice-blue glare of Eragon's light. Other than that, it's not a bad description... though the berries bit is a little over doing it.
Anyway, Roran shows off his plot armor because the other five guys with him are dead. And Roran knows they're dead too, as he says, "“No one could have survived under there." He got lucky because he was just a bit sheltered. All he has to show for it is a broken wrist. Maybe. Basically rocks fall everyone else dies. There's no dramatic tension here because we know that Roran isn't going to get hurt and when he does, it'll get fixed right away, which it does.
Eragon makes Fuzzy Wiener fix Roran's wrist with a glare. He doesn't even ask. He just gives the elf a meaningful look. Not so much as a please or thank you. Yes. That's our hero, a real gentleman he is.
Once his wrist is healed Roran... well this really needs to be seen to be believed.
Satisfied, Roran thanked Blödhgarm, then lowered his hand and cast about the rubble-strewn floor until he found his hammer. He readjusted the position of his armor and looked out the entrance. “I’ve about had my fill of this Lord Bradburn,” he said in a deceptively calm tone. “He has held his seat overlong, I think, and ought to be relieved of his responsibilities. Wouldn’t you agree, Arya?”
“I would,” she said.
“Well then, let’s find the soft-bellied old fool; I would give him a few gentle taps from my hammer in memory of everyone we have lost today.”
“He was in the main hall a few minutes ago,” Eragon said, “but I doubt he stayed to await our return.”
Roran nodded. “Then we’ll have to hunt him down.” And with that, he strode forward.
What exactly has this man done beyond defend his city against invaders?! Blood thirsty invaders too! How is he a soft-bellied old fool? Why did those words even come out of Roran's mouth? Who speaks like that? A few gentle taps with your hammer? Could this conversation be any more melodramatic!? Honestly.
So they go looking for the poor guy. Fuzzy wiener gets the short end of the stick because he has to open his mind and search for people who then may find them. At least that's what Eragon has told us. I guess it's because it's convenient or something. I dunno.
When they reach the third story they run into soldiers who have blocked the doorway with a thicket of spears. Roran charges into them using his shield for protection.
Eragon grabs a spear and no.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
See, in chapter one there was this one part where Eragon grabs a spear and tries to throw it at some guards, failing miserably.
Once the arrows ceased, Eragon transferred Brisingr to his left hand, picked up one of the soldiers’ spears, and heaved it at the archers forty feet above. As Eragon had discovered, spears were difficult to throw accurately without substantial practice. It did not surprise him, then, when he missed the man he was aiming for, but he was surprised when he missed the entire line of archers on the battlements. The spear sailed over them and shattered against the castle wall overhead. The archers laughed and jeered, making rude gestures.(chapter one)
Now in chapter three we get this:
Behind Roran, Eragon switched Brisingr to his left hand, then reached around his cousin, grabbed one of the spears by the haft, and yanked it out of the grip of whoever was holding it. He flipped the spear around and threw it into the center of the men packed in the archway. Someone screamed, and a gap appeared in the wall of bodies. Eragon repeated the process, and his throws soon reduced the number of soldiers enough that, step by step, Roran was able to force the mass of men back.
Basically what we have here is within about twenty minutes to a half hour we get Eragon failing to use a spear and being able to use one. Admittedly the tightness of the bodies would help, but I'm fairly certain that throwing the spears would have less of an effect than just jabbing them at people. In any case he picked up the weapon proficiency pretty quickly.
And that's just a No.
I'm sorry.
That's not allowed.
You can't get that good within a half hour. Elfy stu or not. This is really new powers as the plot demands on a ridiculous level. I mean, even in D&D you're not allowed to level up until you've had an extended rest! (4th ed, I don't remember 3rd ed, but in any case the point still stands, you can't level up if you haven't had any practice ... and throwing one spear doesn't count as practice)
They get through the guards, killing the all, and find Lord Bradburn up in the highest tower. He's surrounded by retainers and guards. Eragon is relieved that he only had to kill three guards before the rest surrendered.
Oh for fuck's sake. Really. He's glad that he only had to kill three?! What about all those other guys he had to kill on the way up there? Do they not count?! Why isn't he sad that he had to kill three more? I think Paolini is trying to say that he was able to stop the bloodshed by only killing three soldiers, but considering that he never gave the others a chance to surrender nor did he seem to count them in his only needed to kill three.
It's ridiculous.
I, on the other hand, LOVE Lord Bradburn.
They order him to stand down or Else.
He replies like this: “I would not even if I could,” said Bradburn in a voice of such hate and sneering derision, Eragon almost struck him. “You’ll have no concessions from me, elf. I’ll not give up my men to filthy, unnatural creatures such as you. Death would be preferable. And do not think you can beguile me with honeyed words. I know of your alliance with the Urgals, and I would sooner trust a snake than a person who breaks bread with those monsters.”
See? I like him! He has legitimate reasons here for not wanting to stand down. Sure we're supposed to dislike him because he calls the elves "filthy" and "Unnatural" and elves are of course not at all like that. If he has an opinion different than the Hero then he's obviously wrong. Never mind the fact that up until a little while ago the Urgals were EVIL and not everyone knows that they're really just MISUNDERSTOOD. But apparently Lord Bradburn didn't get the memo. Not that it matters. He's evil and horrible because he dislikes elves.
Then something weird happens. Arya gets into Bradburn's mind to get past his wards... but wouldn't she need to get past his wards to get into his mind? Um. But once she does get past his wards to get into his mind she gets past his wards by casting a spell that gets past them and puts hi... you know what, the magic system sucks.
There.
Okay. Deep breath.
So the guards, naturally, believe that Arya has killed the lord and start getting riled up. Eragon tries to convince them that they didn't, we're not shown how however. We're not shown what he says. We're just told that he does that. But it doesn't matter, because it's forgotten when Eragon hears cheering going on outside and trumpets calling.
So they automatically abandon trying to convince the people that they hadn't killed their lord and go and look out the window without fear that they're going to get stabbed in the back. We get a narrative halting description of what's around including learning that Eragon has telescopic vision because he can see that the healer's tents a mile away are all full. What I mean by this is that instead of saying something like "The healers' tents were probably filled to capacity" he says "Healers' tents were already filled to capacity". There's no way he could know that, if he doesn't see it. Paolini is trying to be descriptive here but he's forgetting that he's looking at the world through Eragon's POV and Eragon can't see that far.
He looks to the West and South and North (through different windows) and doesn't see anything so he's told to look to the east.
Calling out he says, "Ho! What news?" and he's told that the Werecats are coming. In a scene rather reminiscent of the scene in the Lord of the Rings where we're told the eagles are coming.
As if to his eyes some sudden vision had been given, Gandalf stirred; and he turned, looking back north where the skies were pale and clear. Then he lifted up his hands and cried in a loud voice ringing above the din: The Eagles are coming! And many voices answered crying: The Eagles are coming! The hosts of Mordor looked up and wondered what this sign might mean.(LotR: Return of the King, Chapter IV the Field of Cormallen)
There came Gwaihir the Windlord, and Landroval his brother, greatest of all the Eagles of the North, mightiest of the descendents of old Thorondor, who built his eyries in the inaccessible peaks of the Encircling Mountains when Middle-earth was young. Behind them in long swift lines came all their vassals from the northern mountains, speeding on gathering wind. Straight down upon the Nazgul they bore, stooping suddenly out of the high airs, and the rush of their wide wings as they passed over was like a gale
And this is what Paolini has:
Ho! What news?” Eragon shouted.
One of the Varden standing on the castle walls raised an arm and pointed eastward.
“Shadeslayer! Look! The werecats are coming! The werecats are coming!”
A cold tingle crawled down Eragon’s spine. He followed the line of the man’s arm eastward, and this time he saw a host of small, shadowy figures emerging from a fold in the land several miles away, on the other side of the Jiet River. Some of the figures went on four legs and some on two, but they were too far away for him to be sure if they were werecats.
Now, before this chapter we've only seen two werecats. One that belonged... or hung out with the queen of the elves and the one that hung around Angela. They were generally considered myths or things that didn't exist. There is no reason to expect them to show up. The Varden has not made overtures to the werecat community - if there even was one - unless they did so in between books. However, I was under the impression that there wasn't a werecat community nor would they be interested in such a thing. They're cats. Okay, they're werecats, but still, I was under the impression that they walked alone.
So, why would they randomly be expecting the werecats? And if the werecats are several miles away how can people tell if they're werecats or not? Why is it that the common soldier dude can tell they're a werecat but the all mighty Eragon cannot? And cats are small creatures so with all the smoke and things how would they be seen in the first place?
BUT it sounds dramatic, doesn't it?
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no subject
Date: 2012-01-13 11:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-15 07:13 am (UTC)A good book then?
no subject
Date: 2012-01-15 10:18 am (UTC)Bradburn's oath.
Date: 2012-01-14 06:29 pm (UTC)Re: Bradburn's oath.
Date: 2012-01-15 07:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-15 01:46 am (UTC)That's the flaw in everything he does, actually. Paolini wants to add suspense with the details and the trappings of realistic doubt but his narrator is 100% correct, so it never matters. It's just a trite little game he tries to play, to see if the reader is gullible. :P
It's sad really. And yeah... it could be a sociable group of Werecats. Werelions, maybe, but who cares? There's been no build-up, really. They're just another pointless fantasy race.
You know what would've been cool? If Paolini had to make his groups of people unique when they're all just humans. It might make him think a little harder. Or at least put in more effort. Or something.
But then absolutely no one in his books acts human... except for the very minor villains. They make all the natural, sensible choices. :P
I would try to respond to more but Paolini is so good at vomiting up pointlessness onto a page.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-15 07:10 pm (UTC)But his groups of people are unique! One are intelligent philosophers, the others are noble savages, you've got the religion worshipers of a god, and the evil empire people and the good people. Duh.
It really is sad when your minor villains are more human than your heroes.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-15 09:27 pm (UTC)It really is sad when your minor villains are more human than your heroes.
Yup! All of that 4th edition level 20 RPing bleeding into it, without any perspective thrown in. XD
I think the heroes would be easier to accept if more truly awful things happened to them. If it was a shades of gray world they lived in and all that. But no... they're just heroes because they're the protagonists and don't think too hard about it.
To be honest, I wouldn't mind as much what he'd done if he would have just ended everything already instead of padding it out and frittering around. In trying to "delve deeper" he's lost all importance and impact of what serves as the "plot" here. The fact that he still won't be killing Galbatorix in THIS book is even more annoying. Or am I assuming things? I think I remembered hearing there might be a fifth book but maybe I made that up in my head or something? Regardless, even four books for this "plot" has been way too long. He never really had enough plot to carry it past two but he diddled around too much with all of these pointless "world-building" side-trips. It's one thing to build a world of rich, beautiful depths and another to make your readers into tourists in a tourist trap.
no subject
Date: 2012-01-15 11:44 pm (UTC)He uses the 3rd person omniscient under the misunderstanding that it's supposed to be 3rd person limited.
Yup! All of that 4th edition level 20 RPing bleeding into it, without any perspective thrown in
What sort of epic destiny do you think he'd have? I'm going to assume he's a blade dancer ( I was thinking swordmage, but he doesn't do the teleport thing)either that some sort of totally munchkin'd hybrid, multiclassed who-hah. I looked through the Epic Destinies on the Character builder... I should actually try and build Eragon maybe ... and there was one for a champion of the queen of the fey... which is like being champion of the queen of the elves, right?
Um... I'll stop now.
I think the heroes would be easier to accept if more truly awful things happened to them.
What do you mean?! Lots of awful things have happened to them. Eragon's uncle was killed! He thought his father was an evil man! His back got hurt so badly it was in spasms and almost left a horrible scar! His sword bursts into flames whenever he says its name...his half brother is being forced to work for the enemy and is thus evil! This is all bad things! O:
No. No. This is the end. Galby dies at the end. It's the final book. The fifth book thing was a rumor. Thank GOD. But the plot has been stretched thin enough to be transparent, the padding doesn't help at all. It really is just an unorganized mess.
Unfortunately...
Date: 2012-01-16 12:32 am (UTC)One way for Eragon to be more human is if he actually gave logical arguments against some of the stupidity around him. He really shouldn't be gung ho about openly invading a demi-god king. He really shouldn't be taking threats like having his tent filled with carrion if he doesn't apologise to Arya NOW, from Saphira. He shouldn't be accepting arguments about "being a tool to be used by others" from Arya without crushing her argument back. (If he thought like she wanted him to, she'd be dead or still in Gil'ead) And so on, and so on, AND SO ON!
But no, he just eagerly goes along with everything. Completely disconnected from his own audience and thus failing in the function of a protagonist. Badly.
Re: Unfortunately...
Date: 2012-01-16 12:44 am (UTC)........ do you have links to said interviews?
But no, he just eagerly goes along with everything.
Because everything he does is right, so why shouldn't he? I have yet to see him make a mistake that cost them.
Re: Unfortunately...
Date: 2012-01-16 12:56 am (UTC)A few questions down:
Hey I appreciate your writing very much! I just have 3 questions!
1) Are you writing a 5th book??
2) What happens to arya and eragon?
3) Skyrim? Do you love it? And how to train your dragon as well.
Thanks keep writing I always have loved it.
Posted 25 days ago
ChristopherPaolini
ChristopherPaolini
Bozeman, MT, US
Member since: 11/01/10
370 Posts, 0 comments
1. Yes.
2. Book V
3. Yup and yup. Just reached level 22. Yahoo!
Re: Unfortunately...
Date: 2012-01-16 12:50 am (UTC)And this: Q- 1)Would we see more of Eragon and Arya in terms of their relationship developing because i can't stop thinking of the 'EPIC ROMANCE' that was mentioned?
CP - 1. Book V!
Re: Unfortunately...
Date: 2012-01-16 12:56 am (UTC)Joy.
Re: Unfortunately...
Date: 2012-01-16 01:02 am (UTC)Re: Unfortunately...
Date: 2012-01-20 03:14 pm (UTC)You know, I was under some kind of vague, optimistic impression that the recent books suck so badly is because Paolini has outgrown Eragon and has no real way to tie things up well, and is just trying to finish the story somehow.
I guess not.