I think I need a liver transplant
Jan. 5th, 2012 07:04 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
kippurbird.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
kippurcritiquesbadbooksChapter Five.
Anita and her two boy toys enter the room. Anita is having jitters for some reason. She even mentions the fact that she's suddenly shy. It's like Hamilton randomly decided that Anita needed to be sympathtic and shoved this on her. \~/ It disappears rather quickly. One of the two Masters of the City come up to her and says hi. His name is Auggie Master of Chicago and GASP he's described as a not so good looking vampire. Least we get our hopes up too high, his eyes are "a gray so dark they could almost be black". \~/
He gives her the most amazing kiss on the wrist. No, really.
Orgasm anyone? I mean, Anita is so hyper sexual, it seems that even a kiss gives her an orgasm. \~/\~/ I'm afraid to see what happens when she actually has sex. Also, it seems like Hamilton is being coy by not actually saying orgasm, but instead talking about tightening intimate things low in the body. Unless it's cramps... There's also a lovely bit of redundancy there. "Lips on skin" and "Lips on my wrist". The second one could be cut and rewritten as, "A little jolt of power went through my body when he kissed my wrist". Much cleaner I think. \~/\~/
There's a small power struggle and "I looked into his eyes, until I saw that they were like the sky when it goes black, just before it falls down and destroys everything you own"
I've yet to see a sky fall down destroying everything I own. I've seen rain do that, but that's more gray. Tornadoes and hurricanes are also kinda gray. How could the sky fall down even? Would it be like the background falling down? So this guy's eyes are like a matte painting that's fallen down and crushed people? I don't think that's the image she was going for. \~/\~/\~/
The end of the power struggle brings this change on Auggie:
\~/\~/\~/\~/
First of all, Auggie can't be just some normal looking vampire, nope. Second Hamilton at no point mentioned that he looked boyishly handsome or cute. However I would think such a pretty boy look would make him boyishly handsome. Third, "Lace of dark lashes"? Does he have doilies for eyelashes? Are there little teacups on the doilies? Maybe his nose can be used for the tea tray. \~/
There's a mention of metaphysical \~/ and then the others want to know why Auggie bothered to make himself look ordinary. But this plot point is dropped like a hot potato as Anita's attention is brought to the other vampire in the room.
This would be Samuel of Cape Cod. He's described as handsome in an ordinary way. The reason for this will be explained in a moment. Instead we get the usual ridiculous over description of what he's wearing, including what Jean-Claude would have dressed him in. \~/\~/\~/
And then we hit the headdesk moment of the chapter. I suggest everyone get a large fluffy pillow and place it on their desk. Got them? Good.
See, Samuel's animal to call are mermaids.
Yes. Mermaids.
The half fish half women things. Who are apparently not weres... but are... just not I wouldn't think they'd be considered animals, so... I'm not really sure what they are.
Except that they're mermaids.
And now I have Chicken in the Sea Tuna stuck in my head. \~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/
Samuel is married to a mermaid. Which is why he's not breathtakingly beautiful. See, only single men can be breathtakingly beautiful. Once they're married they're just handsome. And that is marriagism. \~/
There's another long description of the wife "Thea" \~/. Her white blond hair goes to her waist \~/ and no gill slits.
Once again there's a discussion of who is dominant and who's not, this time between Thea and Anita. Why can't anyone in this book just go up to people and shake hands? It's not that difficult! And it wouldn't cause half the problems... oooh wait. Hamilton is using the dominance thing to create drama! After all it's conflict!
Who's the older vampire? Who's the stronger were? Who can resist having sex with Anita longest?
Exciting! Thrilling! Must read!
Moving on. they talk and we learn that Sammy and Thea are offering up their three sons to be her blood apple. Anita considers this creepy (Uh-huh) and it's apparently an arranged marriage of sorts. Or something. Two are twins that barely look legal and the other is apparently embarrassed about the entire thing. \~/
Finally after three pages we learn that Thea is the dominant one over Anita and gets to kiss Anita. \~/
Thea lays a smack down on Anita's lips with this as a chapter closer:
Drink total: 30
Anita and her two boy toys enter the room. Anita is having jitters for some reason. She even mentions the fact that she's suddenly shy. It's like Hamilton randomly decided that Anita needed to be sympathtic and shoved this on her. \~/ It disappears rather quickly. One of the two Masters of the City come up to her and says hi. His name is Auggie Master of Chicago and GASP he's described as a not so good looking vampire. Least we get our hopes up too high, his eyes are "a gray so dark they could almost be black". \~/
He gives her the most amazing kiss on the wrist. No, really.
His lips curled into a close, secretive smile, not at all the wide grin he'd greeted me with. He laid his lips against my wrist, where the blood runs shallow below the skin. Even then it was just lips on skin, then he kissed my wrist, and a little jolt of power went through my body. It tightened things low and intimate in my body. Tightened them so quick and hard that it caught my breath and made me stumble.
Orgasm anyone? I mean, Anita is so hyper sexual, it seems that even a kiss gives her an orgasm. \~/\~/ I'm afraid to see what happens when she actually has sex. Also, it seems like Hamilton is being coy by not actually saying orgasm, but instead talking about tightening intimate things low in the body. Unless it's cramps... There's also a lovely bit of redundancy there. "Lips on skin" and "Lips on my wrist". The second one could be cut and rewritten as, "A little jolt of power went through my body when he kissed my wrist". Much cleaner I think. \~/\~/
There's a small power struggle and "I looked into his eyes, until I saw that they were like the sky when it goes black, just before it falls down and destroys everything you own"
I've yet to see a sky fall down destroying everything I own. I've seen rain do that, but that's more gray. Tornadoes and hurricanes are also kinda gray. How could the sky fall down even? Would it be like the background falling down? So this guy's eyes are like a matte painting that's fallen down and crushed people? I don't think that's the image she was going for. \~/\~/\~/
The end of the power struggle brings this change on Auggie:
He raised his face as he finished, gave me a glimpse of a face that was no longer boyishly handsome or cute, in an ordinary sort of way. Now his face was simply beautiful. The bone structure more delicate that it had looked a moment ago. The eyes were rimmed with a lace of dark lashes. I if I haven't spent the past few years staring into Jean-Claude's lashes, I'd have said they were the prettiest eyelashes I'd ever seen on a man. Only the color of his eyes remained unchanged. That extraordinary charcoal gray with its shades of black.
\~/\~/\~/\~/
First of all, Auggie can't be just some normal looking vampire, nope. Second Hamilton at no point mentioned that he looked boyishly handsome or cute. However I would think such a pretty boy look would make him boyishly handsome. Third, "Lace of dark lashes"? Does he have doilies for eyelashes? Are there little teacups on the doilies? Maybe his nose can be used for the tea tray. \~/
There's a mention of metaphysical \~/ and then the others want to know why Auggie bothered to make himself look ordinary. But this plot point is dropped like a hot potato as Anita's attention is brought to the other vampire in the room.
This would be Samuel of Cape Cod. He's described as handsome in an ordinary way. The reason for this will be explained in a moment. Instead we get the usual ridiculous over description of what he's wearing, including what Jean-Claude would have dressed him in. \~/\~/\~/
And then we hit the headdesk moment of the chapter. I suggest everyone get a large fluffy pillow and place it on their desk. Got them? Good.
See, Samuel's animal to call are mermaids.
Yes. Mermaids.
The half fish half women things. Who are apparently not weres... but are... just not I wouldn't think they'd be considered animals, so... I'm not really sure what they are.
Except that they're mermaids.
And now I have Chicken in the Sea Tuna stuck in my head. \~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/
Samuel is married to a mermaid. Which is why he's not breathtakingly beautiful. See, only single men can be breathtakingly beautiful. Once they're married they're just handsome. And that is marriagism. \~/
There's another long description of the wife "Thea" \~/. Her white blond hair goes to her waist \~/ and no gill slits.
Once again there's a discussion of who is dominant and who's not, this time between Thea and Anita. Why can't anyone in this book just go up to people and shake hands? It's not that difficult! And it wouldn't cause half the problems... oooh wait. Hamilton is using the dominance thing to create drama! After all it's conflict!
Who's the older vampire? Who's the stronger were? Who can resist having sex with Anita longest?
Exciting! Thrilling! Must read!
Moving on. they talk and we learn that Sammy and Thea are offering up their three sons to be her blood apple. Anita considers this creepy (Uh-huh) and it's apparently an arranged marriage of sorts. Or something. Two are twins that barely look legal and the other is apparently embarrassed about the entire thing. \~/
Finally after three pages we learn that Thea is the dominant one over Anita and gets to kiss Anita. \~/
Thea lays a smack down on Anita's lips with this as a chapter closer:
"Succubus," she whispered as she lowered her face toward mine. I knew in that instant she was going to kiss me. "I am seeking another of my kind, Anita. Are you what I seek?" And with that last word she closed her mouth over mine.
Drink total: 30
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