It's LOONG

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

Chapter twenty five

We're halfway through the book now.

What I thought was the plot of the book, the Ballet and the Master's of the City all converging on St. Louis hasn't even been mentioned in pages. It doesn't exist as far as the story is concerned. Anita's sex life being more important than a potential all out war between a bunch of powerful vampires and weres. Now that we've got that covered we shall move on to the actual "meat" of the chapter, such as it is.



Anita goes into the bathroom. Apparently while in the tub she was not in the bathroom but somewhere else. How else could she go into the bathroom without coming out of it in the first place. Obviously I'm missing something here. Or Anita is able to mess around with reality in such a way that she can go into the bathroom never having left it. Amazing how many new and special talents she's picking up. Even some that Hamilton didn't even intend.

She needs to go into the bathroom so that she can come out of the bathroom and see a new vampire named Elinore. Insert Obligatory Paragraph of description here.

She was dressed in a white gown with a high lacy collar and a cream robe that managed to look graceful, and not like jammies at all. Her long blond hair fell in a pale wave around her body, like a second robe, so long. She was a vision in pale delicate colors, then she looked at me. Her eyes were a pale icy blue, the wrong color of blue for that delicate face. Her face was a near-perfect oval, dainty and unreal, as if someone had carved her from some white, pure rock, and breathed life into her. Unless she worked at it, hers was a cold beauty. If her eyes had been a brighter blue, I think it would have made her look warmer. The eyes gave the lie to the rest of her. The eyes were serious, careful, watchful. Hidden under all those clothes was a round, curvy body that was as lovely and desirable as the face, if a little to soft for my tastes. She had the Nordic beauty that I'd craved as a child. Craved so I'd fit in with my blond, blue-eyed father and his new family.

I'd tried to hate her, just on principle. I'd failed, why? Under that lady-like exterior she was tough, fair, and harder than a box of nails. She just hid it much better than I did. We got along. Besides, all the male vamps were prettier than me, why shouldn't some of the female vamps be prettier too.

I'm sorry. Two paragraphs. Two block paragraphs. Once again we are inflicted with an overload of information. We aren't shown anything, we're just told this is what she looks like this is how she acts. We don't get to see her act touch as nails and fair, we're just told this. It's like those character descriptions that Sue-Authors often put in the beginning of their stories so that we know who their characters are. And then declare that their character is not a Mary Sue.

Apparently the big Arduer to do last night has made it so that the vampires can wake up before dark. It's noon now. It's the earliest that Elinore has ever woken up. The ardeur is also making it so that she doesn't need to feed. This makes Jean-Claude happy (but not in his pants) because, according to Elinore, "If we wished to travel as a group in countries where we are illegal, only one of us would need to feed. It would mean Jean-Claude could take quite a large group of his own vampires into another country without leaving much evidence behind. Certainly we could hide from the human authorities."

The thing is, they don't even know if the whatever that happened is going to last or if it'll happen again. But then again, it would because it's Anita Land.

Another vampire, Requiem, comes in. Requiem was the one, way back in the beginning who gave up Meing Ding Dong whatever her name is because he wanted to be with Anita. Another obligitory block of description to stop the "action".

[Remus] gave another angry look around the room, then opened the door. A moment later Requiem glided through the door. He had his black, hooded cloak close around his body, so that the only thing that showed was teh spill of his Vandyke beard framing the curve of his lips.

"How badly are you hurt, mon ami?" Jean-Claude asked.

Requiem shrugged back the hood without using his hands, the way you'd flip long hair behind your back. The hood slid down and the right side of his face was a mass of deep-purple bruises. One of his eyes was almost swollen shut, jut a glimpse of that startling bright blue that had made Belle Morte try to buy Requiem from his original Master. Belle had wanted to have a matching set of blue eyed men. Asher's was the palest blue; Jean-Claude's the darkest; Requiem's the brightest. His master had refused, and they had fled France.

His long, straight hair, so dark it mingled with the black cloak, made his pale skin all the paler, and helped the bruises stand out like purple ink on his face.

I found the Vandyke beard funny. I don't know why but I did. I think I imagined it as Jafar's (from Disney's Aladdin) beard. Or maybe one of Python's Spanish Inquisitor's. Then I'm wondering why he's wearing a black hooded cloak. He's not a wizard like in Harry Potter, but I remember that the Vampires have no sense of fashion. It doesn't make me feel any better though.

Requiem is covered in bandages from when Ding Dong tried to kill him. She tried to use a knife. Not a stake. But a knife to kill him. Because we all know that the best way to kill a vampire is with a knife.

Let us ponder this for a moment.

I don't think Hamilton has been reading very many vampire novels.

While this fight was done in front of the customers the authorities were not called because Asher and Jean Claude put the crowd under mass hypnosis. "Mass hypnosis is not illegal, ma petite only personal hypnotism." Apparently it's okay to hypnotize a lot of people and not one person. An evil vampire could do a lot of damage with this. He could start a riot. Hell any vampire could start a riot with that ability. I would think that hypnotism in general be it mass or personal would be illegal. BUT if it wasn't then the audience would have called the cops and that would have been bad. This is what we call a convenient but stupid plot device.

Blah.

Requiem is also addicted to the ardeur. Which is why he dumped Ding Dong to get into Anita's bed. The reason why he thinks that he's not in Anita's bed is because he's not handsome enough.

I turned back to [Requiem] kneeling before me. I had no idea what to say.

"Am I ugly to you?" he asked..

"No," and I traced the line of his uninjured cheek. "You are very handsome, and you know it."

He shook his head, stopped it in midmotion, again as if it hurt. "If I were handsome enough, you would have taken me to your bed and not turned to these strangers." He lowered his head, both hands gripping mine. He finally raised his face, and he was crying. "Please, Anita, please do not cast me aside so easily. I know that you did not enjoy the attentions I gave you as much as I enjoyed the touch of your body. But I will be better, I swear it, if only you will give me another chance to show you pleasure. I was trying to be too careful of you. I didn't not understand. I can do better, be better." He buried his face against my legs, and wept.

Once again we have proof that the only thing that matters in Anita-Land is how pretty you are and how good in bed you are. If you remember earlier, Anita bitched out Auggie the master from Chicago, about the fact that he only had Bunny for sex. But here she has men all upset that she won't have sex with them because they're not pretty enough or good enough in bed as opposed to being good conversationalists like Anita said she wanted.

Also, we have solid proof that the only thing that matters in Anita land is your looks. After all, the thing that Requiem is worried about the most is that Anita doesn't want him because he doesn't look good enough. Or that he's not good enough in bed. Not that she doesn't like him personally, but doesn't like him because of how he looks.

The message here is clear. Ugly people are the spawn of evil and never should have sex. We need to rise up against those who are ugly or try to make themselves beautiful and kill them all, that way only pretty people will survive and the world will be a better place. Of course the pretty people seem to be as dumb as a rock, so I doubt they'd survive very long after the non-pretty people.

As we continue on Elinore wants Anita to take Requiem on as her lover to make him... happy or something. Anita doesn't want to because she doesn't think she could take care of his emotional needs: "talk, emotion, sharing, love."

Let us look at this statement. Anita is implying that she can only talk to, share with and love a certain amount of people. And anyone else she can't care about. I think this is another slash in the sociopath category. The idea that you can only love a certain amount of people is ridiculous. Either that or she's suggesting that she can only have sex with a certain amount of people. Now if it was that, I could believe it. Though barely. Because Anita seems to be capable of having sex like a cat is capable of taking over the place. Which is very easy.

Finally, we learn that there is a way to set someone free from the Arduer.

You'll absolutely love this one. I mean, really, truly, you'll love this one. Like the way you like having your spleen ripped out of your body with a rusty spork or having your teeth drilled with no pain killers or having a small child screech in your ear at pitches things shouldn't be able to make. Yes. This is the sort of love the cure will inspire.

The cure is:

True Love.

What I think we should do now is all make a date and meet up at Hamilton's house and burn it down. Like angry villagers do in those monster movies. It'll be fun! We can bring hot dogs and marshmallows. Sing folk songs and drink beer. It can be like one of Nanny Ogg's mobs.

Here I would like to insert my standard rant on True Love. This would, of course, take far too much time and I'll actually have to write it out some other time. But to boil it down into a few words, how can you know if it's true love? I mean it's not like there's a lightbulb that goes off or a game show host that says, "Congratulations! You've just found your true love!"

Actually that would be a pretty fun game show. It could be one of those shows like the Price is Right. You play various games and see what sort of person you end up with. True love, person you hate beyond measure but still have to live with, just some dull guy... become a cat lady... be one of those poor people who can only get dates with blow up dolls. Lots of potential!

As Jean-Claude explains:

"We loved Julianna, and she freed us of the addiction of Belle Morte. Belle Morte had requiem in her bed before Ligeia ever touched him, but she sent Requiem on a long seduction far away from her. It was necessary to seduce both halves of a noble couple, so she sent Ligeia with him."

They continue to insist that she take Requiem for a lover to take care of him because he's addicted to her. They keep on repeating this because Anita refuses to take responsibility for him.

Jean-Claude doesn't have this problem because Anita is his human servant. My question is, then, what did he do before Anita?

Requiem continues to beg Antia to make him her Blood apple. She keeps on refusing him (even if it would solve a lot of their problems). Instead they talk about trapping the other Masters like they did Auggie because it would solve a great many problems. Anita calls that evil.

"are you suggesting that I purposefully trap other masters the way I accidentally trapped Requiem?" I asked.

"It would solve a great many problems," [Elinore] said.

"It would be," - I groped for a word- "evil."

"I thought you were more pragmatic than this Anita."

"Doing that would be no different than if we gave in to the requests we get weekly for you to join some some other master's kiss, as his mistress. We give you room to chose, Elinore. How can you ask us to take that same choice from someone else?"

"I would not be bespelled, Anita. I would know every night as he touched me, lay on top of me, that I hated him. Requiem adores you, and he will adore you until, and if, he falls in love, true love. Until that time he will be in the bed of someone he adores, having amazing sex, and enjoying every minute of it. It is not the same thing Anita. Trust me on that."

"But it's sort of a metaphysical date-rape drug, used like that. Just because you're enjoying the abuse doesn't make it not abuse."

Didn't I say that oh so long ago when it was in regards to Auggie and they had sex with him And didn't Anita say that it wasn't rape because he wanted it, asked for it, consented to it? But now since Anita doesn't want it it's automatically a bad thing.

Wicked and Truth show up and they have perfect timing because Jean-Claude and the others have decided that they need to see how a master vampire not from Bella's blood line reacts to Anita's ardeur. They're going ask the two of them if they'll watch Anita feed from Requiem (who has started calling Anita Mistress). Which in theory will not involve sex.

This experiment will happen next chapter.