kippurcritiquesbadbooks

I think a little piece of my soul died reading this.

Wait, that would require me to actually have a soul. Never mind.

She turns up again. She is all over the place isn't she? She is now the second mistresses of the Coven. She is making designs on her slave's back with a whip and She is very unhappy because he couldn't get it up. In fact he mocked her. Which made Succiu (who replaces She) go from angry to hysterical. Generally speaking those two emotions don't lead into each other. And I would think she would go from angry to furious, or murderess. Instead of hysterical. I'm wondering if slave boy is gay, since he couldn't get it up. In any case, slave boy passes out. Sushi has a pet dwarf on a chain. Which she sends over to check on slave boy. And then has him woken up.

We learn that there are Stables of sex slaves and that Sushi was hoping that this particular slave (Stefan) would satisfy her rather exotic tastes. He says that he will never service her, again reinforcing my idea that Stefan is gay. There is "banter" where there is talk about laying atop of her and calling her a repulsive whore. Oh and that he will be rescued by the other people out there that aren't slaves. She whips him some more and "the rapture she felt in her blood and her loins as she punished the slave drove her on even harder".

I've never felt rapture in my blood... I've never felt anything in my blood. If I feel rapture in my blood does that mean it's going to vanish and leave me a lifeless husk?

I think that would hurt.

Would it even happen, I mean, I'm Jewish. We don't do rapture.

Maybe that's why I never felt rapture in my blood.

So, blood rapture, orgasm slave falls unconscious, design on his back another Pentangle (once again to remind us that she's EVIL) rubbing salt into the wounds, while reminding us twice in the same paragraph that this is "The slave named Stefan" with that exact wording. Whatever that editor was on, I want some. Badly. It might make this book make sense.

There's no endowed blood in this land which means they can't make babies. Which means they can't make the special girl child of endowed blood, which I bet is going to be Sister.

We learn how evil the Coven is. They created a Ghetto (called the Ghetto of the Shunned. SHUUUN! SHUUUN!! SHUNNNNNNN!! Okay, I'll stop now.) where they locked up all the undesirables in their new land, "The crippled, the sick, the retarded, the criminal, and everyone else that the Coven deemed simply undesirable..." Yes. That is Evil. Evil. Evil. There are other words too, but Evil is the only one I'm allowed to use.

Sushi liked to walk around the Ghetto of the SHUUUUUUUNED where she found her pet dwarf. It's not at all interesting. And I'm not really sure why I need to know this. It's just taking up space.

Anyway, all four of the not dead because they were exiled Sorceresses of Evil meet. The leader says to "Please bring in Commander Kluge" who once being called in we learn that Commander Kluge's name is Kluge. Apparently you're not allowed to wear black unless you get special permission. I'm not really sure why. There is no explanation. He is the commander of the Minion's of Day and Night. Minions. Who actually names their army with the word "minion". That's something that... Rita Repulsa from Power Rangers would call someone. It's a joke. I can't take that seriously. Oh and Kluge has Xena's Chakram or "the returning wheel". It has blades on it. He has wings too.

Early on it had become obvious to the Coven that trying to conscript and train an army of the male weaklings of this strange land would be impossible. And so they had decided to use a different method to ensure themselves of warriors who would someday be worthy of their plans.

They would breed them.

Cue description of breeding program here.

1. Handpick people for breeding.
2. Constant Sex. While being watched. (kinky)
3. Magical elimination of inbreeding problem.
4. Magical modification of aging for more breeding time.
5. Females turned into brood mares.
6. Undesirables killed.

Check.

Infodump about army. With our sixth As You Know Bob. It goes on for two pages.

Blah, lead sorceress flashes back to how she learned about the powerful Vagaries and made her oh so powerful when,

"Surprisingly, the acute, unfulfilled desires had come. One day, while struggling to understand one of the more arcane passages of the Vagaries, she and the others had all felt the unexpected stirring of their loins. (I'm sorry, but stirring in their loins? Are their loins soup pots?) The hugely sexual, needful longings had been intensified by an insanely irresistible desire to inflict those same sexual needs on others.

Of both genders.

And we've reached lesbian sex ladies and gentlemen! There is no turning back now! Abandon all hope ye who enter here! Abandon ship!

After that delightful interlude we go back to infodumping about the army. And a seventh As You Know Bob.

Kluge asks what they seek.

They seek a chalice (the HOLY GRAIL! OH NO DAN BROWN WROTE THIS BOOK) a woman (again, not helping with the Dan Brown vibes) and a shiny gemstone.

Kluge is not happy. He doesn't realize the importance of these thingies.

Two of the Sorceresses get horny while watching Kluge.

There is a magic show. With bondage! It takes two pages of description to get to the point of the magic show. Basically we get to see Triscuit and his family. Triscuit is deemed unimportant and utterly killable. (Of course) And it's Sister they want.

And there's more infodumping. And it just keeps on going and my brain has turned to mulch and I just can't think of anything funny or snarky to say about it.

So, have some Hanuka ham instead.

And then it's over. It's a thirty four odd paged infodump where they discuss their plans in great detail. THIRTY FOUR PAGES! of THIS IS WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO AND HOW WE PLAN TO DO IT!! THIRTY FOUR!!

There are NO words for this. NONE!

Thirty four pages and the occasional interludes of horny women of infodumping.