kippurcritiquesbadbooks | And it gets even stupider. No, Really. It does.

So, Triscuit wakes up and thinks that it's all a dream. But it's not. And he angsts. "It was real! he thought, the torment of it tearing through his heart and head." Personally I would have used "soul" instead of head. Head is where the logical processes go on and torment doesn't usually happen there.

But what do I know?

I just have a Master's in English Literature while this guy has a B.A. in Economics.

Which actually kinda explains a lot.

Earwig is there and he puts a Wizard's Warp on Triscuit so that he doesn't throttle him. They are in Hogwarts which has been emptied out. Why? Because the Wizard's council and daddy felt like something bad was going to happen at the abdication so the got all the endowed people to safety. TWO WEEKS IN ADVANCE!

TWO WEEKS IN ADVANCE!!

I have absolutely no words to express the monstrosity of this action. They did absolutely NOTHING to protect these people who can't do magic and who obviously died horribly. They knew something might have happened and the did NOTHING to protect the people! NOTHING! These are the people who a few chapters ago we're told are supposed to go out and do good deeds and help the ordinary people and yet they did NOTHING except save themselves! Because they have magical blood so that makes them better.

There are things that I can say in regards to this action which reflect a certain point in history but to do so would automatically negate anything else I say. So I won't. But I imagine you all know what I mean.

Apparently the appearances of the bloodstalker and the harpy alerted them to the fact that the Coven might have survived, but they didn't think there was anything the Coven could do against them. The Coven some how managed to survive their exile and death and had managed to reawaken the horrors that haven't been seen since the last war... and they didn't think there was something they could do?

Are they that stupid? Are they that over confident? I mean they could have take SOME sort of precautions.

Oh and this is utterly lovely, "We knew we could be mistaken. The truly maddening part about it was that, even if we were wrong, there was nothing about it that we could change."

+++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THE MAGIC CAN DO ANYTHING SHIT?! YOU WERE JUST SAYING A FEW CHAPTERS THAT MAGIC COULD DO ANYTHING AND NOW THERE'S NOTHING YOU COULD HAVE DONE?! COULDN'T YOU HAVE LOOKED INTO THE FUTURE AND SEEN WHAT THEY WERE GOING TO DO AND TAKE ACTION AGAINST IT? NO! INSTEAD YOUR DUMBASS MAGIC FAILS BECAUSE NEWCOMB NEEDED A WAY TO KILL PEOPLE OFF IN A DRAMATIC MANNER THAT WOULD CAUSE ANGST FOR OUR SO CALLED FUCKING HERO.

Triscut asks dumbass why when his powers came back didn't he fight them. Earwig says that there was too many of them. He's got uber magic power. And he doesn't even try anything. He just stood there. He says that no one single wizard can match their combined power as long as she wears the stone.

You know, that wouldn't be a problem if the other wizards were still AROUND.

Earwig says that they all decided to let everyone get SLAUGHTERED so that they could save Sister and Triscuit and that they didn't tell them because he might do something stupid. As opposed you know, knowing what might happen and being able to take action against it. And then Earwig thinks, "He still has no idea. How could he." Because you haven't TOLD him anything you DUMBASS.

Apparently they sent out the other wizards to kill the bloodstalkers and harpies. Which may or may not be out there.

And there was an achievement which is a spell that would whisk who ever was touching Earwig away to safety. But apparently the wizards couldn't time it or know exactly when it would go off. The all powerful wizards couldn't time a spell. They couldn't get a Portkey to function properly for all their vaunted power, they couldn't get a simple teleport spell to go off when they wanted it to. Actually no, I misread it... Earwig made them invisible. Which apparently had never been done before. Isn't that something every teenage wizard tries to do? Become invisible so they can sneak into the girl's room and look at them naked? I mean, really, invisibility is a second level spell in D&D. SECOND LEVEL. It's not that hard. Everyone does it. It's one of the most useful spells there are. And they've never done it before?

What is their problem?

Why am I rooting for these people again?

I mean really, Why?

Eragon is smarter than they are. And that's saying a lot.

In stupid land two invisible objects can pass through each other.

I'm not really sure how that actually works. I'm not going to even try to understand how it works. I just give up at this point.

Triscuit angsts about killing his father. Which apparently could have been prevented. Had the Wizards not been complete dumbass.

Infodump about the war.

Apparently endowed blood is alive. It's partially sentient.

"The trut of the matter is that the blood of an endowed person, any endowed person is alive," Wigg continued. "Just as is the Paragon -each in its own way. True, our blood flows through our hearts and veins like that of any other creature or unendowed human, but in our case our blood literally has a life of its own. In this I mean our blood is a least partially sentient, and definitely far different from that of other humans."

That is equal parts creepy and dumb.

... I keep on wanting to start every sentence with "apparently". That's not good. It's indicating that something really stupid and dumb is going to happen which breaks the laws of logic.

But they go into a room with a fountain of the blood water. Trisciut wants it. And that's it really. But drinking it turns regular butterflies into the special magical butterflies, so drinking it is bad. The water is a magical do everything water. It heals stuff. And has a hundred and one other uses, which we don't learn about.

Apparently they had magic before finding the stone and tome, but it was primitive. But once they started using the stone and tome

"The all those of endowed blood would immediately lose their previous, lower powers. Those lesser powers would vanish forever; never to return- to be forever replaced with the supposedly greater power of the stone and the higher knowledge gained by reading the text. This, they said in the Tome, was the reason they would not allow us to go back to our previous use of the craft. They wished us to reach far greater heights in our powers for the benefit of all mankind."

So, basically, let me sum this up for you. The All Powerful and intelligent people who wrote the Tome took away the wizards' lesser powers because apparently those couldn't be enhanced, they had to be replaced. It's kinda like a magical boob job. Or in this case Penis Enhancement. I wonder if the Tome was some sort of "Penis Enlargement" Junk mail that they believed. =D