[identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
How the Da Vinci Code should have really happened.

The click of an empty chamber echoed through the corridor.

The curator's eyes flew open.

The man glanced down at his weapon, looking almost amused. He reached for a second clip
and shoved it into the pistol. "Good-bye," the man with the demon eyes said before shooting the curator through the head.

The curator looked surprised for a moment before falling backwards, dead.

Smiling to himself, the shooter turned and walked away, satisfied that he had done what his teacher had wanted and that the keystone would soon be his.


Silas ran his hands slowly down the tall marble shaft, kneeling before it, muscles taut with excitement. Bent over before it, he put his head to the ground, listening to the stones, searching for where the keystone must be hidden. Finally his prayers were answered with a hollow knocking. One of the stones covered a space! Need drove him to stand straight as he looked around the church.

No one was there. No one would see him do what he had to do. Quickly he brought over a tall iron candle holder to puncture the barrier between him and his prize. Removing his robe he wrapped it around the iron to protect it.

So close to the end of his journey, Silas found himself panting with excitement as he raised his rod ready to pierce the stone into the hollow. Once! Twice! Three times he thrusted the ram into the barrier before finally he was through! Breathing heavily from the effort, he put down his now useless stick before reaching down to grab his treasure.
[identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
*is a bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad person. Really, just bad.*

Lay your blame on this one for [livejournal.com profile] dove_cg.

Slowly Eragon came out of the darkness that always seemed to accompany the horrifying pain that the scar gave him. He found himself on the ground could see Oromis' feet. Slowly he stood up, putting his hand gingerly to his back.

"Master... I don't understand. No one has been able to discover a reason for the pain in my back. They all say that I'm perfectly healthy," he implored his master, the wise elf.

For a long time, Oromis stared at him, his face perfectly blank. Then he sighed. "This is something that I had not thought I would need to discuss with you."


"Come with me." And Oromis turned and started to walk deep into the forest. Eragon followed him, hobbling almost. His back hurt, and his stomach felt like he was going to exorcise all its contents. They walked in silence, as they often were want to do. Eragon thought about opening his mind up, but he hurt too badly to do it.

After a half an hour of walking, they entered a quiet glade with two stones. Oromis sat on one and indicated that Eragon should sit on the other. When he had done so, the elf stared up into the canopy.

"You know, that when a dragon bonds with their chosen Rider, the Rider goes through certain changes, yes?"

Eragon nodded, and unconsciously fingered his ears.

"The outside is not the only thing that changes. We found, over the years, that the male Riders who bonded with female dragons became... special."

"Special how?"

"Eragon, have you enjoyed the company of a man since you bonded with Saphira?" Oromis asked, seemingly changing the subject.

"Of course I have, Murtagh... and Brom."

"No, I mean, have you been intimate with a man?"

Eragon's eyes widened for a second, remembering some of the nights with Murtagh and Brom, "What if I have? What does this have to do with my back?"

Oromis folded his hands, "Eragon, the change that the female dragon causes in their male Rider is to give them the ability to become pregnant."

"Pregnant? I'm Pregnant?"

"Yes, I believe so."

And Eragon fainted as the horror of what he heard overcame his senses and all he wanted was the sanctuary of darkness.


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Kippur Critiques Bad Books

January 2016



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