[identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
Anita Blake Danse Macabre by Laura K Hamilton.

Chapters 1


We begin promisingly enough. The story is told in Anita's POV, first person. The second sentence is "I was supposed to be out jogging but instead I was sitting at my breakfast table talking about men, sex, werewolves, vampires, and that thing that most unmarried but sexually active women fear most of all - a missed period." Here we learn what sort of world Annita lives in, and the fact that she finds a missing period more frightening than werewolves let's us know that it's practically normal to know about these sort of things. A good start. This is a sort of thing that a typical woman would worry about and confide in with her best friend. In this case Ronnie.

Ronnie tries to reassure her and say that it might have been from stress, while Anita lets us know that she's a vampire executioner and her cases have gotten slowly and slowly more worse over the years. And that she couldn't discuss the executioner stuff with Ronnie but she can do the potential pregnancy with her. Just what every girl needs someone to talk about their feminine problems with. No problems there.

Also it turns out that Ronnie turned up because she needed to talk to Anita about her boyfriend. She's going to be moving in with him and she's having doubts. Apparently her last relationship ended badly. Really badly, so of course she's worried. They do some girl talk, and it turns out Ronnie's boyfriend is a were-rat. This is apparently a pretty normal things, but they're not accepted very well in society.

Anita gives her a pep talk and then we get our first Sue Trait.

I leaned my hands against the sink, and looked at her through a curtain of my long dark hair. It had gotten too long for my tastes, but Micha had made me a deal: If I cut my hair, he'd cut his, because he preferred his hair shorter, too. So my hair was fast approaching my waist for the first time since junior high.

First off long hair to the waist/butt is a typical Sue trait. It's utterly impractical, especially since she's in a busy active kind of job that's not very safe thing to have. Also that deal made no sense. If she doesn't like her hair long and he doesn't like his hair long, why is both their hair long? It's like there's something missing there that Hamilton knows but forgot to tell her readers because she knows it so why put it in the text? This is something a lot of writers have problems with. Especially beginning ones because they forget what they know and what the reader sees on the page. But in truth many writers have this difficulty, which is why they need other people to go over their work and point out these gaps in information.

After this lovely bit we get into a discussion on Pro Choice Vs Pro Life. Ronnie suggests that Anita abort the baby and then she wouldn't have to deal with it and the problems it would cause with Anita's busy sex life. Anita doesn't want to. Ronnie doesn't understand why.

"It's your body," [Ronnie] said.

"Yeah and I took my chances by having sex with this many men on a regular basis."

"You're on the pill," she said.

"Yeah, and if I'd wanted to be a hundred percent safe I'd have still used a condom, but I didn't."


Apparently Anita wants to get STDs because she doesn't want to be a hundred percent safe. Now that's a heroine I can believe in!

Moving on. Ms. Hamilton uses the phrase "Yeah and" twice in a row which makes the conversation feel stilted and cumbersome.

Anita believes that abortion is taking a life, but that the person has a right to chose what to do with their bodies. Somehow I feel that's Hamilton talking there and not Anita. And it's still kind of weird when Anita says, "but I also believe it's a life, especially once it's big enough to live outside the womb." From what I know and have been able to look up, if it's big enough to live outside the womb you can't get it aborted. Ronnie answers this with, "Once a Catholic always a Catholic."

The thing is, if Anita was still a Catholic (which she's not because apparently the Pope excommunicated everyone who could raise the dead) she'd likely not be having sex with five guys on a regular basis and living with two of them. This, my dear pigeons, is called bad characterization. Anita feels like she's a Catholic even if she's been kicked out and yet she indulges in a life style that isn't no where remotely Catholic. If she Hamilton truly wanted her being Catholic to matter then she would at least have qualms about her lifestyle and make it feel like she hasn't a choice, but she likes her lifestyle.

Speaking of her lifestyle we get an in depth look at all the people she's fucking. Yes, fucking, because it really doesn't seem to involve any love what soever. Jean-Claude Master of the City who is a potential daddy... but he's dead. Apparently that doesn't stop him from being fertile for a while. At least Buffy had a better sense of it. I mean, logically, without blood you couldn't get an erection, but I'm sure the demon part of the Buffy Vampire might have something to do with it, and they did acknowledge that vampires couldn't get pregnant because they're dead. The fact that Hamilton's vampires could still theoretically make babies is a pretty far stretch for me. Asher and Damian are also vampires. Then there's Micah, who is fixed, and Nathaniel who is a twenty year old stripper. Anita lives with two men. One of whom is a twenty year old stripper.

Someone is REALLY living out their sex life fantasies here.

Nathaniel used to be Anita's pomme de sang which is apple of blood, which means absolutely nothing to me. Hamilton tries to explain it through dialog but fails miserably. HOWEVER we learn that Anita has to feed off sex. It's says that. Right in the text.

If you were a vampire you'd be taking blood from your little stripper, but thanks to that blood sucking son of a bitch you have to feed off of sex. SEX for God's sake! First that bastard made you his blood whore now you're just a-"

Apparently this makes Ronnie a horrible person because she's worried that her friend is going down a path and losing all self respect for her self and becoming some sort of monster. And yes maybe this is something Anita might not want to hear, but it should be something so that she realizes what she's doing to herself.

It doesn't come off like that at all. Instead Ronnie is a horrible person for calling Anita a whore and she immediately backpedals about having said it. And it's Ronnie's fault because Anita gets to sleep with all these hot men and she doesn't so obviously she's jealous. No, she's not worried about her friend, she's suffering from penis envy!

It says that.

Because you know, everyone really wants to have Anita's sex life. With the STDs.

Then the two men, Micah and Nathaniel show up. Micah gets an ENTIRE paragraph of description, which I shall reproduce for you now.

Micah was in front, looking back of hes shoulder, still laughing, talking. He was my height, short, slender and muscular in that swimmer sort of way. He had to have his suits tailored because he needed an extra small athletic cut. You didn't get that off the rack. He'd come to me tanned, and stayed that way from jogging outside, mostly shirtless, all summer and autumn. He'd added a T-shirt to the short-shorts today. His hair was that deep rick brown that some poeple get after starting life as very blonde. His dark hair was tied back in a low ponytail that couldn't hide how curly it was, almost as curly as mine. He'd taken off his sunglasses so when I moved into his arms, I could look up into his chartreuse eyes. Yellow green leopard eyes in his delicate face. A very bad man had once forced him to stay in leopard for until, when he came back to human, he couldn't come all the way back.

Ronnie got about three lines of description scattered through out the chapter. Micah here gets an entire bloody paragraph. Can you say Stu? I knew you could.

Anita then smacks one on Micah and of course, Ronnie who is suffering from Penis Envy, gets upset about this. Never mind the fact that it's a very big soul sucking kiss and Ronnie is having issues about it. That's something to do in front of your best friend.

Nathaniel then reappears. I say reappear because he was there with Micah and then vanishes for a moment and then is all of a sudden there again.

He tore the tie from his ponytail and let his ankle length auburn hair fall around his nearly naked body. The jogging short shorts just didn't cover that much.

I had time to say "Nathaniel" and then he was in front of me.That other worldly energy that all lycanthropes could give off shivered off his skin and along my body. He was five six just tall enough for me to have to luook up to meet his eyes. His anger had turned them from lavender to the deeper color of lilacs, if lowers could burn with force of personality.


Ladies and gentlemen duck and cover! This is not a drill! We have Lavender eyes! This is not a drill!

She has a paragraph right after that about how she needs sex for every sort of emotional need. And that she MAYbe addicted to it. I couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or not.

Finally we get this last bit of Mary Sue-ness from Anita. "I was the first human servant to gain the vampire ability to call an animal". This is one of the first of many special abilities that Anita will have that normal people won't.

The chapter ends when Ronnie spills about the baby.

Also, did anyone else notice that Hamilton likes putting the men in short shorts besides me? I got this image of the men in the seventies wearing those horrid short shorts and bouncing around. Not at all sexy.
[identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
Chapter Two


Ronnie had just set up us the bomb. I mean said that Anita might be pregnant. Of course this creates one of those moments where everyone is still. The two boy toys are, of course, shocked but then Anita brings it back around to how Ronnie is a bitch and hates her.

"I'm not sure," I said, and I gave Ronnie the glare she deserved. "I was going to wait until I was sure before I told any of you guys. But I had to tell someone. I thought, hey, I'll tell my best friend, but I guess I was wrong."

It continues with Anita blaming Ronnie for being jealous of all the men in her life. This is apparently a bad thing. But then again, Anita is, theoretically, living out every straight woman's fantasy. Lots of hot guys wanting to have sex with you. Who wouldn't be jealous? To me, at least, it's a perfectly understandable reason on Ronnie's part. It also doesn't help matters when Anita, who flaunts it at Ronnie, makes it seem like she's the victim. It's not her fault that all these guys are attracted to her and that she has awesome sex at least twice a day with Nathaniel.

Nathaniel then bitches at Ronnie about how she's always calling him "Anita's little stripper", "pet stripper", "you're damn cute for a walking, talking, beefsteak" and that Ronnie doesn't see him as a real person. He's a twenty year old stripper, boy toy, submissive, practically a slave guy who has no real life outside of Anita. Yeah, there's a real person for you.

They bring Ronnie's boyfriend into it, threatening to tell him that she's jealous of Anita's boyfriends and that she's had lovers in the triple digits. Personally, I think when Ronnie was exaggerating when she said that. But in Sexville that is Anita Blake land, who knows, she could be right. Ronnie gets upset about this, naturally.

The final blow is when Anita says, "How would [Ronnie] like it if she said stuff like that [the stripper stuff] to Louie"? Ronnie says it wouldn't apply because Louie wasn't a stripper and an ex-prostitute.

This is a bad thing for Ronnie to call Nathaniel. Never mind the fact that he is a stripper and an ex-prostitute. And seems to have come to terms with being a striper and an ex-prostitute. He shouldn't get mad but shrug it off. By letting him get mad about it, Hamilton proves that he's not over it, and instead still defensive about his past.

Nathaniel, meanwhile, says that the reason that Ronnie calls him names is because she wants him for a fuck as opposed to Anita who... doesn't. And that she's not committing because she'll never know how good Nathaniel is in bed. Ego much? But actually, as he goes on to say, it's because she'll always be wondering how everyone else is good in bed.

Of course, this is right.

It goes on for a bit, Nathaniel accusing her of fucking everyone she sees. And that Ronnie wanted to feel him inside of her.

Now, admittedly, I don't know much about sex, but I'm pretty sure there's more to it that the penis in the vagina bit. I would think that would be the smallest part of sex and instead it would be more the touching and things like that.

But apparently I'm wrong.

I'm learning SO much about sex from this book!

After this lovely bitch at Ronnie fest, Nathaniel gives her the number to his shrink, after telling her that she needs professional help. Of course, she's grateful for his help and leaves apologizing profusely. See, what she needs is help to come to terms that her best friend has a harem and needs to feed off of sex and that one of the guys in her harem is completely and utterly submissive to her to the point that he'll do whatever she wants. Oh yes, she needs therapy she does.

They talk about the baby that might exist for a bit and if they should abort it. Nathaniel apparently has some experience with such things. There was this girl, you know, who he worked with *wink wink, nudge nudge* on the streets with, you know. She had sex with him twice, once to see if he liked it and once for him to get better at it. Because having sex twice with a girl makes you automatically better at it. But this is a small point. She was Nate's first crush and she died horribly. Anita hugs him.

Both boy toys then support her saying that it's her body and she can do whatever she wants with it. Very supportive of them. Feels like a pro-choice ad. It really shouldn't feel like a pro-choice ad.

"It's your body," he said. "I respect that. I'm just saying that we have more than one way to go here, that's all. It has to be mostly your choice."

"Yes," Micah said, "you're the woman, and like it or not, the final choice has to be yours."

"Your body, your choice," Nathaniel said," But we need a pregnancy test. We need to know."


My name is Laurell K. Hamilton and I approve this message. But really the worst part about it this is that, they would say the same thing if Anita wanted to cut off her own leg.

They continue to be supportive and then go get ready for the cocktail party at Jean-Claude's place. After discussing that they're going to get a pregnancy test. Or two. The party is apparently for a circus thingy of vampires (for some reason I can't find the reference) and all the Master of the City vampires in the state are coming for a visit. Obviously this is supposed to be the Plot here. I think we'll have to wait and see.
[identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
Anita Blake Drinking Game

Take a drink every time...

*she has sex (shush)
*someone is jealous of her
*the eyes are described in ridiculous Sue Terms.
*Richard objects to something and Anita shoots him down.
*a male is described in horrible 1980s clothes.
*one of Anita's special powers is mentioned.
*someone mentions the term "lion king."
*the phrase "tight" or "wet" shows up.
*long hair is mentioned on males. Two if it's Nathaniel.
*the word "ardeur" or "arduer" appears
*Anita mentions how much she loves oral sex.
*she mentions her homophobia.
*Jean-Claude infodumps
*Jean-Claude somehow manages to pull off that look
*Ruffles are mentioned on Jean-Claude
*someone changes from human to animal form
*she focuses on the size of a guy's cock
*someone calls her The Executioner
*Richard threatens to kill Jean-Claude
*there's bondage.
*Anita acts like a dominatrix but says she's not into it.
*she shags more than one man at once (one drink for each participant over two).
*the plot makes absolutely no sense.
*you could swear a male character acts like a flaming gay, but they STILL want Anita.
*a female character is made to look bad in comparison to Anita
* Excessive description of what someone is wearing.
*the word "metaphysical" appears.
\~/ Right then. Drinks at the ready?


And what goes after the liver? )
[identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
Chapter four



Anita and her entourage go down the stairs and run into Clay a werewolf and bodyguard. Clay wants to know where Jean-Claude is. As mentioned in the previous chapter he is off dealing with his third in command. Things are getting rough because there's a room full of guests and only five bodyguards.

For some unexplained reason, "[They] aren't even allowed to offer refreshments without one of the dominants being present". \~/ Why would a dominant need to be present to offer refreshments. It's a silly rule, especially when situations like this might come up. Serving refreshments should happen as a mater of course. It keeps the guests happy and distracted from the fact that their hosts aren't there. Micah wants to know if this is upsetting Clay because they're being bad hosts. Well duh. It takes Clay a moment to think about that one. \~/

We then get our obligatory description of what Clay looks like.

Clay was as tall as Graham, but his hair was blond, curly and careless. Where Graham took time and attention with his appearance, Clay just didn't seem to care. He wasn't sloppy, just comfortable. He was wearing the same black on black outfit, but he'd put on black jogging shoes with his slacks,not dress shoes. He looked good, but a little uncomfortable out of his jeans.


\~/ All this constant referencing to other characters in regards to peoples' looks reminds me of how in bad fan fics they're always so and so looks like so and so but with longer hair and green eyes instead of brown. Personally, I don't remember how tall Graham really is, so telling me Clay is as tall as him doesn't mean anything to me. Better to give each character their own description without referencing the other, unless the two of them are being introduced together.

Clay lets them know that it feels like it could go south at any moment. Anita wants to check out what's up with Jean-Claude, Asher and Meng Die using their telepathic link, but apparently that's a bad idea because the other Masters might be able to learn about Anita's powers and/or listen in on their conversation. This is called a plot device. The book was written in 2006 and gives no indication of the time period, so it's just as reasonable that Anita could call up Jean-Claude on his cell phone. Of course, no one seems to have those sort of things and the time is ambiguous so perhaps they are still pre-cell phone days. Still some sense of era would be nice, so I don't have to wonder about such things as why don't they have cell phones. \~/

Instead of moving the plot forward, there's some more talking about Meng-Die and her unhappy sex life with these guys who had to sleep with Anita and this other guy who stopped sleeping with Meng-Die and that made her unhappy and Clay thought that Meng-Die loves him but it turns out she didn't... or something. \~/\~/\~/ I'm sure this has some bearing on the plot, but I'm not sure what.

To bring this all back to Anita, because it always comes back to Anita, it turns out that all the Masters of the City that are coming to visit are brining in candidates for Anita's new pomegranate. Which means to try them out, she'll need to have sex with all the candidates. As she explains:

It was my own damn fault. I hadn't chosen from any of the local talent. I had also expressed my concern about bringing this many Masters of the City into our territory. It just didn't sound safe to me. So Elinore, one of our new British vamps, had an idea. A wonderfully, awful idea. Since Masters of the City were coming from all over the United States, why didn't we have a sort of contest? The Masters could bring some candidates for my new pomme de sang


\~/\~/ Because really, that's the only way to make it safe. And even if they do, how do you know they're not going to be sabotaging each other to give themselves a better chance. In fact, I think such a contest would make things worse because of that contest. After all, it'd be allying themselves with a pretty strong individual. Such a contest is just asking for trouble. Better that they just pray that the incoming Vampires would be on their best behavior than anything else. \~/

Instead, we've just found a way for Anita to have massive amounts of random sex for "a good purpose". Which is, of course, the only reason for this novel. \~/

There's another mention of Nathaniel's lavender eyes \~/ before they walk into the room with the two waiting Masters with Anita all a jitter. I'd feel for her, but I just don't like her.

Short tonight, but that's okay. I'm sleepy.

Total Drinks: eleven
[identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
Chapter Five.



Anita and her two boy toys enter the room. Anita is having jitters for some reason. She even mentions the fact that she's suddenly shy. It's like Hamilton randomly decided that Anita needed to be sympathtic and shoved this on her. \~/ It disappears rather quickly. One of the two Masters of the City come up to her and says hi. His name is Auggie Master of Chicago and GASP he's described as a not so good looking vampire. Least we get our hopes up too high, his eyes are "a gray so dark they could almost be black". \~/

He gives her the most amazing kiss on the wrist. No, really.

His lips curled into a close, secretive smile, not at all the wide grin he'd greeted me with. He laid his lips against my wrist, where the blood runs shallow below the skin. Even then it was just lips on skin, then he kissed my wrist, and a little jolt of power went through my body. It tightened things low and intimate in my body. Tightened them so quick and hard that it caught my breath and made me stumble.


Orgasm anyone? I mean, Anita is so hyper sexual, it seems that even a kiss gives her an orgasm. \~/\~/ I'm afraid to see what happens when she actually has sex. Also, it seems like Hamilton is being coy by not actually saying orgasm, but instead talking about tightening intimate things low in the body. Unless it's cramps... There's also a lovely bit of redundancy there. "Lips on skin" and "Lips on my wrist". The second one could be cut and rewritten as, "A little jolt of power went through my body when he kissed my wrist". Much cleaner I think. \~/\~/

There's a small power struggle and "I looked into his eyes, until I saw that they were like the sky when it goes black, just before it falls down and destroys everything you own"

I've yet to see a sky fall down destroying everything I own. I've seen rain do that, but that's more gray. Tornadoes and hurricanes are also kinda gray. How could the sky fall down even? Would it be like the background falling down? So this guy's eyes are like a matte painting that's fallen down and crushed people? I don't think that's the image she was going for. \~/\~/\~/

The end of the power struggle brings this change on Auggie:

He raised his face as he finished, gave me a glimpse of a face that was no longer boyishly handsome or cute, in an ordinary sort of way. Now his face was simply beautiful. The bone structure more delicate that it had looked a moment ago. The eyes were rimmed with a lace of dark lashes. I if I haven't spent the past few years staring into Jean-Claude's lashes, I'd have said they were the prettiest eyelashes I'd ever seen on a man. Only the color of his eyes remained unchanged. That extraordinary charcoal gray with its shades of black.


\~/\~/\~/\~/

First of all, Auggie can't be just some normal looking vampire, nope. Second Hamilton at no point mentioned that he looked boyishly handsome or cute. However I would think such a pretty boy look would make him boyishly handsome. Third, "Lace of dark lashes"? Does he have doilies for eyelashes? Are there little teacups on the doilies? Maybe his nose can be used for the tea tray. \~/

There's a mention of metaphysical \~/ and then the others want to know why Auggie bothered to make himself look ordinary. But this plot point is dropped like a hot potato as Anita's attention is brought to the other vampire in the room.

This would be Samuel of Cape Cod. He's described as handsome in an ordinary way. The reason for this will be explained in a moment. Instead we get the usual ridiculous over description of what he's wearing, including what Jean-Claude would have dressed him in. \~/\~/\~/

And then we hit the headdesk moment of the chapter. I suggest everyone get a large fluffy pillow and place it on their desk. Got them? Good.

See, Samuel's animal to call are mermaids.

Yes. Mermaids.

The half fish half women things. Who are apparently not weres... but are... just not I wouldn't think they'd be considered animals, so... I'm not really sure what they are.

Except that they're mermaids.

And now I have Chicken in the Sea Tuna stuck in my head. \~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/

Samuel is married to a mermaid. Which is why he's not breathtakingly beautiful. See, only single men can be breathtakingly beautiful. Once they're married they're just handsome. And that is marriagism. \~/

There's another long description of the wife "Thea" \~/. Her white blond hair goes to her waist \~/ and no gill slits.

Once again there's a discussion of who is dominant and who's not, this time between Thea and Anita. Why can't anyone in this book just go up to people and shake hands? It's not that difficult! And it wouldn't cause half the problems... oooh wait. Hamilton is using the dominance thing to create drama! After all it's conflict!

Who's the older vampire? Who's the stronger were? Who can resist having sex with Anita longest?

Exciting! Thrilling! Must read!

Moving on. they talk and we learn that Sammy and Thea are offering up their three sons to be her blood apple. Anita considers this creepy (Uh-huh) and it's apparently an arranged marriage of sorts. Or something. Two are twins that barely look legal and the other is apparently embarrassed about the entire thing. \~/

Finally after three pages we learn that Thea is the dominant one over Anita and gets to kiss Anita. \~/

Thea lays a smack down on Anita's lips with this as a chapter closer:

"Succubus," she whispered as she lowered her face toward mine. I knew in that instant she was going to kiss me. "I am seeking another of my kind, Anita. Are you what I seek?" And with that last word she closed her mouth over mine.



Drink total: 30

[identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
Chapter six.

We get a LOT of weird images this chapter.

Continuing with the kiss from last chapter Anita describes Thea's lips as "warm like hot chocolate. Something you wanted to open up your and sip from". So the lips are sticky and brown? I mean it sounds good but in context it makes no sense. In any context it makes no sense. \~/. Thea continues to try and kiss her, trying to force her to open her mouth. Anita suddenly wonders if she's homophobic because, "If she'd been a man I would have just let her kiss me". Because getting kissed against your will is only okay if you're attracted to that gender. Never mind the fact that Thea is obviously forcing the kiss onto Anita who clearly doesn't want it and has stated earlier that she doesn't want it. No, the reason why she doesn't want to kiss Thea is obviously because Thea is a woman. \~/\~/\~/\~/.

Read more... )
[identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
Chapter Seven pt. 1

Again we begin with Thea kissing Anita. "I let my body melt into hers, let her feed at my mouth". This reminds me of a mother bird up-chucking dinner for her chicks. Like in March of the Penguins. The word "kissed" is used seven times in the first paragraph. Three times in one sentence. \~/. Anita tastes Thea's power by licking some sort of white film off her lips. Isn't foaming at the mouth usually a sign of rabies? And wouldn't licking it be a bad thing? I think it's supposed to be sexy though."I licked her lip, and found that there was a whitish film on the fullness of her mouth" But I just get this imagine of Thea drooling like a dog. \~/

read more... if you dare. )
----

Pt. 2 Anita blows up, next time on My Favorite Spork.
[identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
Chapter Seven pt.2


I've been using my dice bag to hold the book down. It's my good bag of dice. I hope it doesn't ruin them. I wonder if I'll come back and they'll turned into D100s or something. You know, super uber dice. I'd say they might end up sparklier but I don't think that's possible.I mean one is holographic sparkles. It'd be nice if they started rolling twenties all the time... but with my luck, they'll be rolling ones.

Read more... )
[identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
This Chapter is NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!

Now, normally these things aren't safe for brains, but this one is also NSFW.


With pictures! )
[identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
Chapter Ten

We left off with everyone done having sex. And everyone connected with Anita and JC having an absolute happy power glow while all of Auggie's folks have been sucked dry and severely traumatized. Auggie is AOkay Partner with this as is Haven, but Octavius, Auggie's human servant and Pierce are not. It's tough shit for them.

Meanwhile JC and Anita take a bath. Anita is all snuggled up to JC. And we get ourselves a bit of an infodump chapter. \~/. JC wants to know what's on Anita's mind and she's all if you hadn't shut down your marks you wouldn't need to ask. The funny thing is, I remember from the earlier books, that Anita absolutely, positively didn't want to have the marks. Any of them. And she was down right pissed when JC gave them to her. Now, obviously I've missed quite a bit between those books and so I don't know how this changed, but I would have liked it not to have changed. It would have added excellent tension to the book.

Which, I might add, is seriously lacking here. I don't feel any time ticking down. Any sort of pressure. They're just laudididahing around taking baths and chatting about things. The tension filled things, that would be between Auggie, his people and JC has been conveniently skipped over for the bathtub scene which is kinda... boring and filled with talking heads. Or at least JC's talking head.

So there's the bit about the marks and then Anita looks up at him and...

I stared up at him; his hair wet and slicked back from his face, so that nothing to away from it. Those eyes a blue as dark as blue could be and hold no touch of black. His lashes thick and black- it had taken me months in his bed to see his upper lashes by candlelight and realize that he had a double row of upper lashes. Him and Elizabeth Taylor. You only saw it if the light was just right, and his head turned just right. Until then, they were just this unbelievable lace around his eyes. I traced the lines and curves of his face, down to the grace of his lips. I let him see in my eyes what I saw, what I felt, gazing at him.


Do we really need to know that JC has a double row of eyelashes? Is it pertinent to the plot in any particular way? Will there be some sort of contest where the person with the most eyelashes becomes ruler of the world? Will this information ever come up again besides the next time when Anita starts waxing poetic about his eyelashes? Is this once again more proof that LKH has some sort of eyelash fetish? \~/\~/\~/

After this um useless paragraph (where is her editor?) Anita wanted to know why Requiem look like he got his face smashed into a wall. Apparently Meng Die smashed his face into a wall. It turns out this fight was about Anita. GASP!! Who's surprised at that?! I'm not. \~/

See, Meng Die is upset because she thinks that Anita has stolen Requiem from her. She fed off of him once and he has offered to feed her more completely but she won't because "I was under the impression that I'm having sex with enough men."

JC finds this funny especially since people would trade anything for a night in bed with Requiem. And that Requiem stopped sleeping with Meng Die because Anita won't share her bed with guys who sleep with other women. Also Anita apparently always turns down a guy first. Anyway. Blah, blah, Requiem needs a good reason not to be her blood apple, blah.\~/\~/

Strange phrase, "He gave that wonderful Gallic shrug that meant everything and nothing". What makes a shrug a Gallic shrug? How is it different than say a French shrug? Or a German shrug? What about a Hebrew shrug? Or Yiddish! I bet a Yiddish shrug would be very expressive and at the same time using very little movement.

Gallic shrugs. Huh. *Yiddish shrugs* \~/

Anyone want to make a guess as to what sort of drugs she's taking?

Anyway, Meng Die is in a cross wrapped coffin and JC will either have to let her out or kill her the next day. But that's immaterial because Anita has to figure out what sort of excuse to give Requiem. \~/

"I'm dating three men, living with two more, and having occasional sex with two others. That's seven men. I'm like a pornographic Snow White. I think seven is plenty." Is Anita's response. A surprisingly fairly reasonable (within the circumstances) response.

Is she allowed to have this response? No, of course not. If she does, how can she have massive amounts of sex with guys. \~/ As JC says. "But it is not ma petite. Emotionally it may be too many, but metaphysically, and for the sake of our power base, seven is not enough. You must add a lover who is not metaphysically connected to you and you must pick a new pomme de sang now that Nathaniel is your animal to call".

Two for metaphysical \~/\~/ and one for ma petite \~/.

See, her aruder is actively seeking out mates. No, but your power is seeking a new pomme de sang. Don' you undertand what is happening, ma petite? The ardeur is seeking for you.

That's right. The magic sex thing is looking for TWO new partners. And apparently it's attracted to Elvira's line of vampires who have also been fucked by the Aurdur. \~/\~/

It seems like Auggie may have become attached to the two of them by the power of the Aurder. It's just that addictive that he's going to follow them around like a puppy begging for sex. \~/

Finally, if people find out that JC's aurder is so strong that people might try to kill them or something. I don't really care.

So, what have we learned here? The tension is now that Anita needs to find two someones who'll help feed her sex needs or else she'll starve to death. However it doesn't feel very pressing. Instead it just felt like they were talking about the up coming party and how worried they were about if it would go off well or not.

No Tension. No nothing about this problem.

But, it does end on a typical cliffhanger of sorts when Richard walks in as mad as hell.

Drinks total: 16

Wolf wishes

Jan. 5th, 2012 06:48 pm
[identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
Chapter eleven

Now in the early Blake novels that I read, Richard was rather like Remus Lupin from Harry Potter. He was a high school science teacher who tried to keep his werewolf status secret to keep his job. Richard was practically normal, beyond his furry little problem, and he and Anita were dating. I think that Richard was actually good for her, as he was a steady individual. A normal individual. Anita liked him and thought he had a cute ass.

This is what I remember. Let's see how he turns out now.

Claudia (one of the guard type people), Richard, Anita and Jean Claude are in the bathroom, not having sex. Richard is a very angry man. Wolf. Thing. Or as Anita describes him:

I caught a glimpse of his face. His hair was a foamy mass of waves, all brown and gold. In sunlight there would be more gold to brown, and strands of coppery red. His hair was brown, but as if could never quite decide if it might be blond, or auburn instead. It had finally grown back to brush the top of his shoulders. The bright crimson T-shirt strained around his upper arms, because he was holding hands tight, tight fists. It looked as if the seams of the shirt weren't going to hold the muscles' strain. His summer tan was dark against the red of the shirt. He looked at me then, and the full force of his eyes, and the shock of it thrilled down my spine. His eyes were wolf eyes: amber, gold, and no longer human. It was the beginning of the change. No wonder Claudia was on alter.

The dimple in his chin usually softened the sharp perfection of his cheekbones, and the utterly masculine beauty of his face. He, more than almost any other man in my life, was handsome, not pretty. Nothing would ever make you mistake Richard for a girl, not even from the back, not even with the hair. The body was too masculine to be anything else. Tonight the dimple didn't soften anything, because the anger in his face was too raw. Had the anger fed his power, or the other way around? Who knew; who cared? Dangerous either way.


\~/, \~/ \~/\~/\~/

Firs of all, let me point out that the action COMPLETELY stopped to describe Richard's hair. For an entire two paragraphs we're describing Richard's hair. \~/ Second off, Richard has my hair. -_- except it's more frizzy than foamy and currently is growing out green streaks. \~/ I would think that mermaids would have moe foamy hair than werewolves.

As they get out of the tub, after not getting Richard's assurance that he won't attack him, (brilliant) JC puts on a towel because "Richard was a touch homophobic..."

Pot, I'd like you to meet Kettle.

Kettle, this is Pot.

I believe you'll have beautiful and wonderful frying pans together.

\~/, \~/ \~/\~/\~/

We then learn, still stopping the action, that Richard is in therapy and that he's part of a triumvirate with her and JC and would have gotten the most feedback on what happened with Auggie. And that Anita likes water streaming down naked skin of her men. And I quote, "There was something about water streaming down naked skin that was just yummy".

I want you to know that I actually, physically, hit my head against the book when I read that. And now it hurts. Physically.

(x) (x) <-- Aspirin. \~/\~/\~/

So, Richard accuses Anita and JC of raping Auggie. Which is totally untrue because Auggie wanted it, even though he's addicted to the aurder and may not actually have complete control over what it is. But it's okay because Auggies started it. I think that's kinda like letting an addict have his drugs because he already started to take it. In this case it's because if he became food Anita would win and he'd get fucked three ways until Sunday.

That makes it all right. Yup.\~/

The three of need to talk privately so all the guards take their leave. One of the guards, a wererat, Lisandro (which makes me think of Listerine) notices that Anita is naked. This is a Bad Thing. See shapeshifters aren't supposed to notice nudity because "It would be like your cat thinking about not wearing pants", and it's bad bodyguarding. If you're staring at the naked person you're not looking out for danger. Now the latter one actually make sense. But the first one is silly. Because they aren't cats they're humans too. Mostly. They were clothes. In fact the only ones I've seen that don't particularly care for wearing clothes are Nathaniel and Micah, those of the short shorts. Every other were that I've seen in this series -which probably doesn't mean much- doesn't have a naked thing. And even so, unless you're gay or in this book dead in the ground, seeing a pretty naked woman is going to turn you on. The Listerine's mistake is that he showed interest which is bad for his guarding job, not because he's a were. \~/\~/ \~/

Once everyone is out of the room, they proceed to talk. After Anita and JC do their hair. Richard is very WTF about this, but JC says, "If we let our hair dry badly, it will not change what has happened, Richard. The practicalities of life do not cease needing do be done just because other things are going wrong." I don't know so much about that one, but I do know that if their hair was shorter it'd be less of a problem. I'm nitpicking, aren't I? \~/

There's a bit of a recap for Richard. Apparently part of the meeting was seeing how Anita reacted to the other Masters of the City. And JC wanted to start her with friends. You know start easy.

Blah, Everyone is drawn to Anita and her Auder, especially those who have had it before. The whole addict thing again,\~/. Richard doesn't believe it and that he doesn't think that the Masters are still JC's friends. After all he haven't seen them in hundreds of years, people change. It gets dropped immediately for more Aurder talk. \~/

As he says, "Perhaps, but I felt something when we were with Augustine. It was such power. I believe that the ardeur is reaching some new power, evolving into something new, or at least new to us." Of course it's getting more powerful. Because we must make it more powerful to make Anita more powerful. And thus make her more dangerous because she can't control it. \~/

I don't remember if I mentioned this earlier. I think I've might have meant to mention it but forgot. Jean Claude also has the Ardeur. JC has no problems control said ardeur. He is as powerful as Anita is, if not more. Why, then, couldn't he teach her to control it? Because, if she could control it, it wouldn't cause problems. It's an artificial plot device. Instead of creating new ones for each situation, she has this one ready made in case she wants something to happen. This is sloppy. Very very sloppy. \~/\~/

We learn that the reason why all the Master Vampires are there is because JC wants vampire artists to still be able to perform. If they're all there it's important. I would think that having non-vampires artist type people there would be more effective than vampires. No matter how powerful they are. \~/\~/

The addiction thing is brought back in when there's a vampire named London who is called the "Dark Knight" and now I have a picture of Batman flouncing around rooftops in a puffy white shirt. \~/ Right. London who was recalled to Elvira but refused to go because he didn't want to because he didn't want to get addicted again. We're obviously dealing with a highly addictive force here. And no one is containing it. In fact they're letting it run loose. No one even thinks about "Well maybe we should work on getting it under control" it's just We need to feed it more! \~/\~/\~/

They discuss which other vampires have been touched by the arduer and come up with "Wicked" and "Truth". Yes.

Wicked and Truth.

I think Hamilton has been letting her little gothy fans suggest names for her vampires. \~/\~/

Richard doesn't like Wicked, but doesn't mind Truth. And then he gets cranky because he's being asked to pick a man to share Anita's bed and he doesn't like it. So JC is all, "And how many women have you slept with in this past month?"

For some reason it sounds like Richard sleeps with every girl he takes out. Why is this? Is there some rule I'm missing that says you have to sleep with everyone you take out? Or is this something special in Anita land? \~/\~/

Finally it turns out that Richard is all bitchy like this is because of the power he got from the threesome. He feels horribly guilty about it feeling so good even after he knew how he got it. It makes him cry.

They cuddle. \~/\~/

Drinks: 36
[identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
First and foremost all you pigeons, you all must bow down and worship the greatness that is [livejournal.com profile] canadianevil for they have brought you an icon that I was going to make, but did it all so much better.

Photobucket

Please cookies/money/pretty boys having sex/small countries/slaves/all of the above to me and I'll make sure they'll get sent to the right person.

the actual meat of the chapter )
[identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
I don't know if this is going to get finished. Though if I'm nagged enough, it actually might.

It started out as a sort of Rp/[livejournal.com profile] whack_a_sue entry and has kind of gotten a bit out of hand.

Orion, Maddy, Kev and Lan belong to [livejournal.com profile] canadianevil while Trever and Kale belong to me. They're vampires in an Rp we do and we started messing around with them and Anita Blake. Originally they just killed everyone off in a massive bloody slaughter, but apparently that's not happening here.

These vampires are different from the Blake ones, so they have different powers. It's a crossover I guess.

Still, enjoy.
Darkness falls on St. Louis )

In which Kippur analyzes the differences in tactics between Orion's court and Blake's vampires )
[identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
First, I hope everyone who celebrates Easter had a very nice one.

Chapter thirteen.

My brother would skip this one because he's got a phobia of the number thirteen. Unfortunately I don't. And really, wouldn't be doing my duty to skip a chapter.

So, the three of them go back to the living room which had been cleaned up some. Asher is there, as well as a bunch of guards. Asher is levitating from the power rush, literally. He can fly. He also dresses like a ninny.

Cut for brain safety )
[identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
Chapter fifteen.


Previously on Anita Blake: Everyone just found out that Anita might be pregnant. This is a Big Thing.

Obviously Anita slams all her shields "in place, shut, tight, metal, closed." Which doesn't make any sense at all. It sounds good. But once again, it doesn't make any sense which confuses and distracts the reader. \~/

She's very upset about this, of course. \~/

Samuel, however, thinks this is wonderful news. Anita doesn't like this at all and wants to be angry about it. Any sort of character that Samuel has is dumped out with the dishwater when he gets completely confused not getting what is going on. He's over a thousand years old, I think he'd be a bit quicker on the uptake than what he is. Still once he picks up, he's angry because no one seems to think that the baby is good news. \~/\~/

Anita snips at him."Don't tell me how to feel, Samuel, you don't have that right."

Unfortunately, Samuel did no such thing. He just asked, "Why such anger, Anita?"

No where is there anything about how Anita should feel. He just wants to know why she's feeling the way she does. How is that telling her how to feel? \~/

He thinks that it'll be a powerful child and that's wonderful. Because that's the point of having children. The more powerful the better the child. At least that's what it seems to be indicating. \~/

It's then rehashed about how it's not JC's and Micah's, so that leaves Nathaniel and Richard.

But more interesting is the sudden pro-life recant that Anita does.

"I'm sorry,"[Richard] said, and he looked it around the edges. "Sorry if I'm making this hard, but how could I be completely unhappy if we made a child together?"

He would pick the very worst way to say it. The way most guaranteed to panic me. "It's not a child, yet. It's a bunch of cells smaller than my thumb."

His eyes got more careful. "What are you saying, Anita?"

I hugged myself tight and wouldn't meet anyone's eyes. "I don't know what I'm saying." But I was beginning to have more sympathy with Ronnie's idea about just going away and making the choice without any of the men.

"Would you really kill our baby?" he asked, and I didn't have to see his face to know he looked hurt; I could hear it in his voice.


Nathaniel and Micah were supportive with whatever choice she wanted to make, even though she didn't want to kill the potential baby. Now that Richard is excited about the idea of having a baby, of having a family, it's not a real baby. It's just a bunch of cells.

Earlier, with Ronnie she had this conversation.



"And who?" she said. "Who got you knocked up?"

"Thanks for putting it that way."

"I could ask, who's the father, but that's just creepy. If you are, then it's this little tiny, microscopic lump of cells. It's not a baby. It's not a person, not yet."

I shook my head. "We'll agree to disagree on that one."



Before, Anita disliked the idea of it just being a bunch of cells and says that it's a life. Now it's just a bunch of cells. Why? Because she's just run into Richard. Richard who loves her as a human and wants to have a normal life with her. Which is a horrible and bad thing. Normal life? PFfft. Who needs it? \~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/

In this case it's just whatever seems to cause the most angst. She can't seem to make up her mind on what she wants with who she wants.

The point that she may in fact not be pregnant seems to be forgotten. Richard points out to Nathaniel that either of them might be the father. Nathaniel is not submissive about this at all. Because if you're submissive, you're always submissive. This feels like another piece of fan fiction where the pretty boy is the bottom and submissive and is really just a girl with a penis. And they take whatever is given to them by anyone else because they submit sexually. It doesn't help that Nathaniel calls himself the wife. (Next chapter). Just because he takes care of the domestic duties doesn't mean that he's the "wife". Nathaniel really needs to be put into a different situation where he doesn't have to be submissive and I think sex of any sort should be right out of the question. Therapy isn't doing him any good if he's constantly subjected to sex, especially sex from Anita and her Aurder.

Short chapter, about four pages, most of it rehashing. Tomorrow... longer and odder.

Drinks: 16

As an aside, how can eyes get more careful?
[identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
Chapter fifteen.


Previously on Anita Blake: Everyone just found out that Anita might be pregnant. This is a Big Thing.

Obviously Anita slams all her shields "in place, shut, tight, metal, closed." Which doesn't make any sense at all. It sounds good. But once again, it doesn't make any sense which confuses and distracts the reader. \~/

She's very upset about this, of course. \~/

Samuel, however, thinks this is wonderful news. Anita doesn't like this at all and wants to be angry about it. Any sort of character that Samuel has is dumped out with the dishwater when he gets completely confused not getting what is going on. He's over a thousand years old, I think he'd be a bit quicker on the uptake than what he is. Still once he picks up, he's angry because no one seems to think that the baby is good news. \~/\~/

Anita snips at him."Don't tell me how to feel, Samuel, you don't have that right."

Unfortunately, Samuel did no such thing. He just asked, "Why such anger, Anita?"

No where is there anything about how Anita should feel. He just wants to know why she's feeling the way she does. How is that telling her how to feel? \~/

He thinks that it'll be a powerful child and that's wonderful. Because that's the point of having children. The more powerful the better the child. At least that's what it seems to be indicating. \~/

It's then rehashed about how it's not JC's and Micah's, so that leaves Nathaniel and Richard.

But more interesting is the sudden pro-life recant that Anita does.

"I'm sorry,"[Richard] said, and he looked it around the edges. "Sorry if I'm making this hard, but how could I be completely unhappy if we made a child together?"

He would pick the very worst way to say it. The way most guaranteed to panic me. "It's not a child, yet. It's a bunch of cells smaller than my thumb."

His eyes got more careful. "What are you saying, Anita?"

I hugged myself tight and wouldn't meet anyone's eyes. "I don't know what I'm saying." But I was beginning to have more sympathy with Ronnie's idea about just going away and making the choice without any of the men.

"Would you really kill our baby?" he asked, and I didn't have to see his face to know he looked hurt; I could hear it in his voice.


Nathaniel and Micah were supportive with whatever choice she wanted to make, even though she didn't want to kill the potential baby. Now that Richard is excited about the idea of having a baby, of having a family, it's not a real baby. It's just a bunch of cells.

Earlier, with Ronnie she had this conversation.



"And who?" she said. "Who got you knocked up?"

"Thanks for putting it that way."

"I could ask, who's the father, but that's just creepy. If you are, then it's this little tiny, microscopic lump of cells. It's not a baby. It's not a person, not yet."

I shook my head. "We'll agree to disagree on that one."



Before, Anita disliked the idea of it just being a bunch of cells and says that it's a life. Now it's just a bunch of cells. Why? Because she's just run into Richard. Richard who loves her as a human and wants to have a normal life with her. Which is a horrible and bad thing. Normal life? PFfft. Who needs it? \~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/

In this case it's just whatever seems to cause the most angst. She can't seem to make up her mind on what she wants with who she wants.

The point that she may in fact not be pregnant seems to be forgotten. Richard points out to Nathaniel that either of them might be the father. Nathaniel is not submissive about this at all. Because if you're submissive, you're always submissive. This feels like another piece of fan fiction where the pretty boy is the bottom and submissive and is really just a girl with a penis. And they take whatever is given to them by anyone else because they submit sexually. It doesn't help that Nathaniel calls himself the wife. (Next chapter). Just because he takes care of the domestic duties doesn't mean that he's the "wife". Nathaniel really needs to be put into a different situation where he doesn't have to be submissive and I think sex of any sort should be right out of the question. Therapy isn't doing him any good if he's constantly subjected to sex, especially sex from Anita and her Aurder.

Short chapter, about four pages, most of it rehashing. Tomorrow... longer and odder.

Drinks: 16

As an aside, how can eyes get more careful?
[identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
StoryHostile Takeover
Fandom Anita Blake/Original universe crossover
Summary A group of vampires from Los Angeles come to see the Ballet, but it seems like they have other things in mind.
Notes Kale, Trever and Alec belong to me. Orion, Lan, Kev and Maddy belong to [livejournal.com profile] canadianevil Everyone else belongs to LKH.

Chapter two: Lobsters.


Continuing our story )
[identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com
Chapter Seventeen.

Nathaniel has left and Richard wants to know how Anita love him. I'm wondering the same thing. But then again Nathaniel is as pliant as squishy things. Anita is hesitant as to how to answer the question. Her answer? "Because he never makes me feel like a freak."

Nuh-uh, uh-huh )

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