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Conclave of Kings

In which injury and near death is made into nothing, kings are switching around their characterization for the sake of conflict and just because your leader vanishes automatically means disbanding is on the table even though said leader has been a leader of an organization for less than two years.

Last chapter Ayra was apparently seriously injured. Here when put on the ground - though spitting up blood - she says she’s fine. “I’m only bruised, not broken.” But you’re spitting up blood. Sure. You’re fine. And we see no more of this. Saphira was hurt a lot but that’s okay, the elves heal her. So, injuries? Whut?

That problem settled Eragon goes off to Nasuada’s tent and I’m shown that Galbatorix’s magicians are pretty awesome. Why? Because one of them is holding off three elf spell casters. By himself. Three ELF spell caster’s are having trouble taking down ONE human spellcaster. Though the only reason for this is so that Eragon can go BOO and startled the man thus disrupting his concentration check and letting the elves kill him. However, the point still stands - Paolini just inadvertently showed that his Evil Spell Casters are more awesome than the Good Ones. Now some might say that it means that the good guys will have a harder time defeating the bad guys, but considering how easily the elves have been mowing through people, I’m saying good on this guy. No wonder Galby’s been keeping the throne for so long. He’s got competent help.

My supposition that Glaedr is pissed off and was trying to get Thorn killed in a fit of rage was proven true as well - though it’s presented through the eyes of a noble person… dragon... suffering. For once I actually agree with Eragon when he says that the first option shouldn’t be trying to kill Thorn and that Glaedr shouldn’t “have been so quick to destroy one of the only remaining members of your kind”. Glaedr tells him to shut the fuck up and goes to sulk.

Roran is found and is fine. And no one cares.

SO onto the more important bits - what are we doing now that Nasuada is kidnapped. :O

The meeting involves Orrin the king of Sudara, Ayra, Eragon, Saphira, King Orik aka Dwarf Grimmrr Halfpaw, Nar Garzhvog head of the Kull and Roran. Roran is there because he’s a PC - I mean because he’s very popular with the army and people admire him. Oddly - and I can’t believe I’m saying this - Angela isn’t there. She’s usually at these sorts of meetings but now she’s not. I’m not really sure why and it’s… out of character… for her.

Gah. Bad chapter. No cookie.

Nausada’s second in command - who I would think should be the new leader - Jormundur says flat out that Nasuada wanted Eragon in charge so that’s the end of that. Eragon goes all modest and says he didn’t want this to happen and Orrin agrees with him. He’s a bit… he’s more than a bit bitchy in this chapter for … Reasons. To be antagonistic, I suppose. We need someone to say horrible things about Eragon’s leadership or be the dissenting party and no one else there would qualify, so Guy Who has little characterization and things gets to be that patsy.

Of course Eragon does the whole “I didn’t want this” thing but I will do this thing thing. And then there’s the we must present a united front thing even if we don’t agree in private is said. And of course there was the whole, “Of course you’re going to take advice from us, just like Nasuada did.” And then we get: “Everything Orrin said was true, Eragon thought - he was still young and inexperienced, and he did need the others’ advice - but he could not admit as much without appearing weak”.

Can we get any more cliche there?

Can we?

I’m sure we can’t.

Where’s my cliche checklist? I haven’t used it in a while.

This entire chapter really has been check things off the cliche checklist.

The response Eragon gives also belongs on it, “You may rest assured that I will consult with you when needed, but my decisions, as always, will remain my own”.

Hey look! There’s random Orrin has to question Eragon’s loyalties because he’s friendly with the elves, Urgals and dwarves and he should make sure he has the interest in their people and not another race in mind.

Which is silly. If Galby is as big a threat as we’re lead to believe then he’s an equal threat to everyone so everyone’s interest - every race’s interests - should be, as we’re lead to believe, interested in taking him out as that will help everyone, humans and everyone else. At this point I’m not sure what the other races goals are. I mean they joined the Varden - they in the case of the elves, created the Varden. They didn’t join the Varden because of Nasuada, they joined because they want to destroy Galbatorix. So… I’m not really sure what’s going on here. Beyond strawman arguementing.

Then we get the stupid Nasuada was the one in Charge and without her we don’t know what to do cliche.

Dwarf says, “The question before us is simple… what should we do now that Nasuada is gone?” he placed Volund flat on the table and ran his gnarled hand over his hand. “Mine opinion is that our situation is the same as it was this morning. Unless we admit defeat and sue for peace, we still have only one choice: march to Uru’baen fast as our feet will carry us…”

Isn’t that what they were doing before Nasuada took in charge? Why should that change?

It’s ridiculous.

And Orrin makes the “So, how are we going to kill them when we get there” question. Because we really need to go through the cliche list. .

OH and of course the Special Lance of Dragon Killing is apparently even more Special as Grimmr says, “how very strange to find such a weapon in this age, especially that … particular weapon.” all mysterious like. And we don’t hear anything more about it because we must leave it in MYSTERY.

OOoOOOOO… Check off the checklist.

And Orin gives the whole “If the guys in the past haven’t be able to do it, how do you expect to be able to do it.”

And then….

And then….

And then we get the scene from the Council of Elrond from the Fellowship of the Ring movie where they do the whole “you have my axe” thing.


No. Really. Seriously.

Roran says that no matter what he’s going to Uru’baen and face Galby by himself if need be.

And then we get…

”Not by yourself,” said Arya. “I know I speak for Queen Islanzadi when I say that our people will stand with you.”

“As will ours,” rumbled Garzhvog.

“And ours,” affirmed Orik.

“And ours,” Eragon said in a tone that he hoped would discourage dissent.

When, after a pause, the four of them turned to Grimmr, the werecat sniffed and said, “Well, I suppose we’ll be there too.” He inspected his sharp nails. “Someone has to sneak past enemy lines, and it certainly won’t be the dwarves bumbling about in their iron boots.”



That’s a thing.

A completely and utterly gratuitous not needed scene. The entire chapter is mostly useless. I suppose they needed to figure out what to do, but the way it played out was cliche ridden, pointless and homaging a thing that didn’t need to be homaged, especially almost half way through the final book. That’s the only thing Roran did. That’s the only reason why he was there: to start off the whole I’m going thing. Eragon couldn’t do it because he represents - sort of - the dragon riders and the Varden.

I just want to bang my head on the wall about this… but it’s hit a more eye-rolling stage of exasperating.

Still, the checklist was strong with this one.
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Kippur Critiques Bad Books

January 2016


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